


Venus in Furs

by 3levetoi



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Boys In Love, M/M, Punk eliott, Smut, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:00:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 32,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27329923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3levetoi/pseuds/3levetoi
Summary: 1977. Chicago. The height of punk music.Lucas Lallemant is a good Catholic boy, from a good Catholic family, who goes to a good Catholic university. He’s so pure, he’s never even kissed a girl!There isn’t much that he cares about, but when a boy dressed in black stumbles into his classroom sopping wet on a sunny autumn day, he has Lucas’ undivided attention.
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 125
Kudos: 154





	1. When the Levee Breaks

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JaneKensey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneKensey/gifts).



> Hey ! I'm super excited for this fic. I might have to update the tags later though I'm expecting this to go towards a somewhat kinky route in honor of the name. but tbh I have no idea what this story will hold !

_Now cryin' won't help you prayin' won't do you no good_

_When the levee breaks mama you got to move_

_All last night sat on the levee and moaned_

_All last night sat on the levee and moaned_

_Thinkin' 'bout me baby and my happy home_

_Going to Chicago !_

_________

  
  


Lucas was bored already. He was thirty minutes into his first class and reading the syllabus itself seemed punishment enough.

It didn’t help that he sat right next to the windows and it was a beautiful fall day outside. The sun was shining and there was a soft breeze in the air. It smelled just like fall should smell, like rain and fallen leaves. Chicago was stunning this time of year and he would’ve given anything to go out and enjoy it. The streets were lined with changing trees, and if you were to squint you might have thought that the world was on fire, it was that colorful. 

It was the last nice day of 1977, and Lucas had spent the springtime of his youth playing soccer, his Sundays in church, and not not a single second fretting over what was to come. He never worried himself with things like grades, unless of course they became so neglected that there was threat of his removal, and he did worry himself about the anger of his parents. 

But this was a whole separate can of worms. Let’s just say that literature was not Lucas’ _thing_ . He didn’t really know what his _thing_ was, but he couldn’t recall a single book that he’d read start to finish in his nineteen years on this planet. He came here to learn about business, not to speculate about stories that have been read over and over and over. Did filling a gen-ed requirement really matter this much? 

In the midst of feeling sorry for himself, Arthur leaned to him and whispered, “Look at this bullcrap I read half this stuff in high school.” 

“Then you better get a passing grade,” Yann smiled. 

Poor Basile was stuck at the end of the four, trying to hear the conversation of his friends over the droning professor. 

The class was largely full, there were a few empty seats here and there, but for the most part, he supposed, _Legends of Horror LIT:236_ seemed to be off the hook, or that's how it looked at least. He thought they were going to sit around and watch horror movies, evidently that was not the case. There were probably 30 kids in the class, which was more than any other gen-ed class he’d taken. They must’ve all been told the same thing.

“I thought this was going to be an easy A,” Lucas grumbled to himself.

  
  


The professor was going on and on and on about late work or something and just when Lucas thought he was going to blow his top, the door opened swiftly and a student stepped through. Or at least he assumed he was a student, because no faculty would ever in good conscience walk around looking like _that_. 

The kid must’ve been about twenty, dressed near clad in black aside from a torn up, disgusting, green shirt. But maybe the most notable thing about him was his sopping wet hair that dripped onto the shoulders of his black jean jacket. No other part of him was wet and it certainly wasn’t raining as Lucas could tell.

He had hardly noticed that the entire class had grown quiet to just take in the oddness of this stranger. 

The kid didn’t say anything, instead trudged to the back of the class to one of the empty seats. He promptly leaned his boots on the desk and wrung out the strands of hair he could catch. 

The professor had resumed his place on the syllabus after not-so-gracefully regaining his composure, but Lucas’ attention had not left the boy.

He remembered kids dressing like that in high school, he’d always scoffed at them. There were many names for people who did this. Most of them called themselves ‘Punks’ and wore hideous makeup and hairstyles that made their mothers cry. _Why do that to yourself?_ Lucas always thought. He never understood why anyone would want to look like that.

Apparently the kid caught him looking, because he crossed his eyes, pulled back his lips to reveal his teeth, and stuck out his tongue making a nasty face, and then it returned to sneer at Lucas. Lucas snapped his head forward, pretending he’d seen nothing at all.

_Freak,_ He thought. 

Lucas fiddled with the collar of his polo which was very in fashion these days, and tried to pay attention.

  
  
  


_________

  
  
  
  


He thought that going to a catholic university would mean fraternizing with a rather _ahem_ homogenous group of students, but apparently his school accepted anybody. Not- that he minded, per se, but it confused him. Why would a fight-the-system kind of guy ever want to go here? 

After all, if he’d told his mother how much Arthur enjoyed Led Zeppelin, she’d have thought he came straight from the devil. Oh, she knew _all_ about Rock ‘n Roll and Satan's favorite music. She knew full well what happens to Zeppelin IV when you play it backwards. His mother was emphatically religious, to the point where he didn’t want to associate with his parents anymore. 

They had wanted him to go to the local state school down the road and Lucas had flatly refused. So they negotiated and sent him off to the big, private, city school which was of course catholic. Because apparently it was good enough to be far from his parents if he was close to God. Although truthfully he’d grown up only about an hour from here, and could take a bus home any time he liked (which was not so often).

“What did you guys think of that punk kid? The degenerate,” Lucas asked his friends as they sat on a bench with a few hot dogs.

“ _Degenerate?_ Lulu, I know your parents are basically WASP’s, but could you try to tone it down a little?” Yann laughed.

“Oh, sit on it, you know what I mean. That kid who came in thinking he was cooler than everyone else, what did you think of him?” 

“Easy, I didn’t. I was too busy mourning my social life while reading that syllabus,” Arthur said between bites. 

Bas took a big bite and muffled, “I liked his jacket.”

“You would.”

“No, I think I could totally pull it off, you know, if I wanted to get my parents steamed.” 

“Which you don’t.”

“Which I don’t.”

“That’s why you came here.” 

“Exactly! They scare the crap out of me.” Bas glanced at his watch, “Ah shit, I gotta blow. I have a class in five. See you at dinner?” 

The three of them nodded as Basile strolled off into the building. Sometimes he was painfully reminded of his sheltered upbringing. Lucas loved his friends, but they didn’t understand him. He didn’t even really understand himself.

College looked good on his friends. Arthur had grown into his boyish face, and his hair was long enough to touch his shoulders. Yann took the gymnasium very seriously and it showed, and Bas, well, he was comfortable enough with himself from the beginning. 

But Lucas hadn’t seemed to grow at all. He was nearing the end of his second year in college and he didn’t look any different, he still had no surer idea of himself nor what he wanted to do. He would get a degree in business, yes, but what then? 

He surely thought he’d have had a girlfriend by now, but there was no such luck. He was attractive as far as he was concerned, he’d been propositioned enough times in the last few years, and he was comfortable around women. He just hadn’t found the right one.

His friends teased him for not having had so much as a kiss from a girl, but every time he’d go make a move, his catholic guilt would bubble up and spoil the whole thing. He’d see his mother’s face in his head looking particularly disappointed, and he just couldn’t go through with it. It was a sickness he planned on curing himself from.

  
  


In fact, there was a frat party tomorrow night that he’d forgotten about. Lucas was certain his friends would be thrilled to go, maybe he could get drunk enough to kiss a girl then.

  
  



	2. Highway to Hell

_Don't need reason, don't need rhyme_

_Ain't nothing I would rather do_

_Going down, party time_

_My friends are gonna be there too, yeah_

_I'm on the highway to hell_

_____________

Lucas was pleasantly buzzed. He was half way through his second beer in 30 minutes and he was starting to feel it kick in. He liked being drunk. He liked the soft burn of alcohol in his belly and the feeling of his inhibitions melting away. And his friends weren’t squares so when the four were intoxicated together, it was like hell breaking loose. 

They knew they were annoying, they did not care one bit.

He supposed that was the way to be and he made a point to do so with a bottle in his hand whenever possible. 

Tonight it was at a house party. The city of Chicago didn’t really have the space for a fraternity/sorority kind of housing, so most of the organizations just bought out a seven bedroom house, and pretended that was equivalent. The front room, the living room, of this house-converted-student-housing, had been turned into a makeshift disco-tech. Colorful lights roamed the otherwise darkened walls, speakers were loudly playing _Saturday Night Fever_ through the record player, and the floor rumbled with the stomping of feet. The room was surely some sort of fire hazard due to the sheer number of people packed into the space all moving and bouncing and singing along. 

The back rooms were much quieter. Instead, one could hear moaning from behind the closed doors of the bedroom, and riotous laughter from the frat boys playing beer pong in the kitchen. Lucas and his crew managed to overtake the table the next round, and by the end had amassed a great audience, all cheering them on. Lucas was in his element. In his (now) drunken state, he managed to sink the little ping pong ball into the last remaining cup. Yann groaned and gulped down the whole thing, but the crowd around erupted in cheer, all hollering, and laughing and clapping Lucas on the back.

For a shining moment, and with a lopsided, inebriated grin, he felt like he was on top of the world. 

A girl stepped through the crowd and said confidently, “I’ve got the next round.” She was beautiful in her bell bottoms that flared at the calf. Her dark hair curled around her face, almost expertly framing her dark, shining eyes. 

“Who you are you playing?” Lucas asked with a smile. 

She flashed her eyebrow and winked at him. 

He was struck! It was fate when _How Deep is your Love_ began to play from the other room. 

“It seems as though I’ve got an unfair advantage, seeing as though I’m already drunk,” Lucas chided.

“Well let’s see if we can even the playing fields,” she retorted, and poured herself what would be two or three shots into one cup, quickly downing the whole thing.When she was done, she slammed the empty cup onto the table, as if she was challenging him. 

Lucas had to admit he was a little turned on, but it was probably just the drinks talking.

_Perfect_ , he thought, and took another sip as they set up the next round. 

  
  
  
  
  


“Man, she kicked your _ass_!” Arthur laughed, clapping Lucas on the back. 

“We can’t always be winners,” Bas smiled.

“It was nice while it lasted.” 

The girl who’d just killed his (brief) winning streak walked up to him, and held out her hand, “I’m Chloé.”

“Lucas,” he shook it. She was pretty. She was tall and thin, and her clothes really made her figure look beautiful. 

“Nice to meet you Lucas, care to join me on the deck? I need a smoke.” Before she even got an answer she turned to the back door. They could still hear the rhythm of the music inside. It was a wonder that the neighbors hadn’t reported the frat yet, but Lucas wasn’t complaining.

“So what brings you here to get wasted on a Thursday night?” he asked. 

She took a drag, ”same thing as you probably, nothing better to do.” She smiled and exhaled. Her voice had a slight country twang that was soothing to him. She offered him the cigarette, which he took. He’d smoked enough times to not have to cough, but it wasn’t really his thing.

“Where are you from?” He took a puff.

“Tennessee, you?” 

“You’re a long way from Tennessee.”

“That’s the point isn’t it?” She gave him a wide toothy grin, “where are you from?”

“I’m from here. Well- the suburbs, about an hour out actually, but we’d visit the city practically every weekend.” He didn’t realize he was rambling until he shut himself up.

She nodded, focussing back on her cigarette. Lucas’ sobriety was slowly slinking back.

“So… what are you studying?”

She tossed the stick on the ground and stepped on it, then she brought her attention back to him, “Do you really want to know?” 

She leaned closer until Lucas could smell the tobacco on her breath. Before he knew what was happening, she’d pressed her lips to his. It wasn’t entirely unenjoyable, but it was weird. He didn’t like how wet it was, and he didn’t know what to do when she started opening her mouth a little wider. At some point, she wrapped her arms around him and pressed her body to his. He reciprocated by placing a hand around her lower back.

Just then, his friends burst through the back door, followed by a dozen other people.

“Oh! I hate to um, interrupt but we need to leave. Now, man. The police are here,” Arthur said, practically dragging Lucas away. 

“I’ll call you!” Lucas yelled turning back to Chloé, but she just smiled at him from where she was. They hopped the fence that separated the yard from the back alley, and ran as fast as they could down the street until they hit the main road and slowed down. If there were cops in the area it was best to _not_ look suspicious. 

“Hey! You kids!” A man with a flash light began walking towards them.

“ _Shit!_ ” Arthur hissed.

“Where are you kids headed.”

“We’re going home, what seems to be the problem, officer?” Lucas asked, trying his best to appear totally sober.

“There’s been a report of a large amount of under-age drinking in the area, do you know anything about that?” 

“No sir, we’re just heading back from dinner,” Bas interjected.

The cop looked at them strangely, perhaps because it was nearly 1am and they weren’t as smooth as they thought that they were. 

“I’m going to have to get your names and addresses, please.” 

Lucas thought he might shit himself. If his parents found out about this… they would pull him out for sure.

The cop turned his head to see a kid puking in the gutter, and Lucas took his chance to make a mad dash in the opposite direction, not waiting to see if his friends were following (which they were). Lucas stopped when he was certain he’d lost the guy. Bas started to laugh almost madly.

“God damn, Lulu, you’ve got some speed! I didn’t know you had it in you to run from the police.”

“I guess I fear my parents more than the cops.”

Yann laughed breathlessly, “Yeah, I fear your parents more than the cops too!”

The four of them walked towards campus. Basile and Arthur were more inebriated than Yann and Lucas at this point, so they were singing and laughing and stumbling down the street while the other two shook their heads and laughed at the situation. 

“Well it looks like you got your cherry popped,” Yann said, amusedly. 

“I have ways to go until I get my cherry popped!”

“Not at the rate you’re going! I saw you two.” 

Lucas smiled to himself. He was becoming a man! He could check kissing a girl off the list, his pen was patiently awaiting to cross out the “have sex” item on the agenda. Maybe college wasn’t so bad.

He was more excited to have sex than to kiss people, at least he knew what _that_ was supposed to feel like. He was no stranger to his own pleasure. 

As a teenager, once he’d learned to ejaculate in the shower, it was smooth sailing. His mind was more attracted to the situations and the circumstances that people got themselves into, rather than a woman’s naked body, so most times he found it easy to use nothing aside from his own imagination to get off. That, of course, helped tremendously when he learned that his mom went through his things while he was at school. Once or twice he’d been witness to a dirty film, which he often thought back to. But Porno mags just didn’t do it for him, and his no-sex-til-marrage friends were completely useless at getting him what he shouldn't have. 

  
  
  


When he got to his dorm, he collapsed on his bed and would’ve fallen asleep immediately, if he couldn’t hear the loud _thunk thunk thunk_ of the bed in his roommate’s room. He pulled the pillow around his head as though that would help keep the noise out, but he could still hear it. He could still hear Mika pounding away at whatever poor creature found its way into his bed. 

Lucas had never seen anyone besides Mika go into or out of his room. Sometimes he thought he was imagining things, but evidently a few times a month, sometimes more, he could hear the grunting of the bedframe from the other room. 

Mika was a strange man. Lucas was almost certain he was a homosexual, though they had never discussed it. He didn’t really ever want to have that conversation, mostly because he knew he would be truthful. Not that Lucas didn’t like homosexuals ! They just made him uncomfortable sometimes. I mean, why do they have to be _so_ queer? Mika was effeminate but Lucas was relieved that he didn’t talk about his latest male conquest, at least not to him. 

He lived in an on-campus apartment. Meaning he had his own room, but split the living room and the shoe-box kitchen with two other people. He wanted to house with Yann, Arthur, and Bas, but Yann’s parents lived about fifteen minutes away, and Bas and Arthur wanted a cheaper option. So naturally, the school paired him with his roommates. 

Mika and Lisa were cousins, but they acted more like friends. Lucas’ mother threw a fit when she discovered her son would share living space with a young lady, _it just isn’t right_ were her exact words, but he eventually convinced her that it would be fine… and anyways it should’ve been Mika that she was concerned about. 

  
  
  
  


He woke up in the morning with a headache and a hint of a hangover. He groaned as he pulled himself to his feet. It was 11:13 already and he needed to buy his books before his 1pm class. He felt like a zombie, and desperately did not want to sit through two different classes back-to-back, but maybe this literature class would prove to be interesting afterall.

_Maybe a shower would make me feel more human._

He turned the knob to the bathroom but it was locked. He could hear water running and obnoxious whistling. He groaned again. _Mika takes forever._

Lucas found a shirt that didn’t smell like it’d been dug out of the trash and pulled it over his head. The campus bookstore was only about three blocks away, so he’d have time to grab some lunch - or in his case, breakfast - before his class. 

When he arrived he was dismayed to see a long line at the check-out counter. He estimated it would take him about fifteen minutes to collect his books and then a half hour to stand in line. It would be cutting it close, but he could make it. He unfolded the wadded up syllabus from his pocket. _Dracula_ by Bram Stoker, _Frankenstein_ by Mary Shelley, _Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde_ by Robert Louis Stevenson, it took him twenty minutes to discover that they’d all been sold out. Today just wasn’t his day. 

_I’m going to be denoted for this,_ he thought with worry. 

He ran up to the check-out counter, ignoring the huffs and puffs of the unhappy line-waiters.

“Excuse me,” he said, “where is the nearest bookstore?”

The cashier looked at him confusedly, “I suppose that’s on Belmont. ‘Gallery Bookstore,’ it’s called. Right off the L, you can’t miss it.” 

Lucas muttered a “thanks,” then ran out the door. Luckily the ‘L’ as it’s called, or Elevated Transit, was just around the corner. Lucas fished out a couple quarters of his wallet and leaped through the pass-through, up the stairs, and on to the platform. He waited impatiently for about five minutes before the Red Line train pulled in, and another fifteen until the stop. 

The bookstore really was close. He could see it on the right side before he even left the platform. He pushed the door, making the little bell jingle. The place was dusty. There were stacks of books everywhere he looked. It was like a labyrinth trying to swallow him whole. It took him a minute to find the counter, but when he looked up, his heart leapt into his throat. He swallowed, trying to gain his composure. 

It was the kid sitting with his boots up on the counter, his nose stuck in a book. 

Lucas cleared his throat and the kid looked up, uninterestedly. 

“Do you have these books?” Lucas said, putting the syllabus on the counter.

The Punk looked it over and smirked, “You’re in my class.” 

Lucas pressed his lips into a thin line. He didn’t want to be here any longer than he needed to. 

“Couldn't find the campus bookstore?” Punk asked, his eyes glued to Lucas like he was expecting something with indifferent amusement. 

“No, I checked. They were out of everything.”

Punk nodded. He got up and went to a stack in the back, then he turned back and said, “Coming?”

Lucas obeyed. 

In a corner marked “Horror” the Punk Kid scanned the shelves. He reached up, getting on his toes, for something on the top. Lucas couldn’t help but notice the small patch of skin that revealed itself to him, on the small of his back, just above his baggy black pants that hung loosely around his waist. The kid was wearing a skin-tight yellow tee, and when he turned around, Lucas could see it stretched across his broad chest and displayed some vulgar band name. 

“Do you care which copy you get?” Punk kid followed Lucas’ gaze down to his shirt, and smiled wickedly up at him, “a fan of the Sex Pistols?”

Lucas looked back up to his face, “not exactly.” 

“Mhm.” The kid retreated back to the register, where he rang him up. His hair was dry today, and done up in a sort of pompadour style, but the sides were shaved and the ends of his hair were bright green.

“You did your hair today.” Lucas stated absentmindedly, immediately regretting that he’d said anything.

The Kid looked at him in disbelief, “I do my hair everyday.”

Figuring he was in too deep, and he’d never talk to this guy again, he pushed. “Wednesday it was dripping all over the floor.”

The kid gave him a knowing smile, “Watching me, were you?” He pressed some keys in the register, “I was actually on time to that class but some shithead stopped me in the hall and told me I couldn’t go in until I washed it out. Took me a fucking half hour, but I guess that’s what my tuition pays for.”

The drawer of the register pushed out with a _ding_.

“That’ll be $6.50”

Lucas opened his wallet. All he could find was a five-dollar bill and just enough change for the ride home. He cursed himself remembering that he’d spent his last 10 dollar bill on alcohol.

“Shit, all I got is a five.” 

The guy nodded as if to say _not my problem_ , “that’s embarrassing isn’t it.” The kid sighed, “okay, well. I think we start with these two and when you have the cash, you can come back for the Stevenson.”

Lucas sighed, “Yeah, that’s fine.” He took _Frankenstein_ and _Dracula_. 

  
  
  


“See you in class,” the guy said with a smile, returning to his book.

  
  



	3. Get Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello I would just like to point out that I have nothing against Catholicism or organized religion. It might seem like I have some sort of axe to grind or something but I'm just setting Lucas' character up so that he fits in more with the punk mindset for later 👀

_**Jojo was a man who thought he was a loner** _

_**But he knew it couldn't last** _

_**Jojo left his home in Tucson, Arizona** _

_**For some California grass** _

_**Get back, get back** _

_**Get back to where you once belonged !** _

_**...** _

**"I'd like to say thank you on behalf of the group and ourselves**   
**And I hope we passed the audition!"**

**_______________**

  
  
  


“Lucas! This is due at the end of class, I could use some help,” Imane pleaded.

“Yes, sorry,” He snapped his attention back on the matter at hand. The class was split into partners on the first day for the rest of the year and Lucas was paired with Imane. She consistently rode circles around him.

But today he was especially scatter-brained. He hadn’t eaten since last night and his head wasn’t fully there. Or at least, not there enough to focus on business statistics. He read the first question, blinked and read it a few more times. Not once did it stick in his head long enough for him to make an answer. He sighed.

“What made you pick business anyways?” Lucas asked.

Imane glared in response.

“It’s just, you know… there aren’t a lot of women in business, even less black women.”

“You’re right, there needs to be more. What did you get for number three?” She didn’t look up from her paper.

“I haven’t done it yet.”

“Maybe you should.”

Lucas sighed again, looking back to the page. He got enough motivation to get started on the first question, but then his thoughts drifted to the events of his morning. He was embarrassed about what happened at the bookstore, how could he be so _stupid_ ? I mean, the way he _looked_ at him, it was so strange. Lucas couldn’t shake the weirdness. It was like that kid's eyes were boring holes through Lucas.

It was like Lucas was purely entertainment for him, like he was under a microscope. He didn’t know what he’d done to his own chagrin, he thought his offense minor, but the kid for some reason felt otherwise.

He must have sat there for twenty minutes thinking about it, because the next thing he knew the professor had dismissed the class, and people were getting up to leave.

“Did you finish?” Imane asked.

Lucas looked at his paper. He had half a question answered. Imane rolled her eyes, bent over, and circled all the answers. She then went to turn them in and as she left she said, “You owe me.”

Lucas nodded happily. 

  
  


The arts department building, where his next class was, was just across the street. He took his time getting there and going up the three flights of stairs. He really didn’t want to see that kid. Lucas knew that he’d just sit there, mocking him from the back of class.

He even stopped at the vending machine to search for any left-behind quarters, but no such luck. He could hear his stomach growling at him. _Maybe Bas will have a granola bar._

The class was slowly filling again. Lucas wrote his name on the attendance sheet, and found his way to his friends. Arthur had kindly sprawled his books across the desk next to him, saving that seat for Lucas. 

“Do any of you have any food?” He asked. 

“I think I’ve got some chips,” Bas rooted around in his backpack and pulled out a deflated bag of Fritos. Lucas opened it and was dismayed to find it full of crumbs, but it was better than nothing. Hoping it’ll hold him over for the next ninety minutes. 

He was pulling his things from his bag when a book fell onto the table in front of him. Lucas looked up. The Punk Kid was standing above him with a smirk on his face, their eyes met for a moment but Lucas looked away in embarrassment. The Kid then turned to take the seat directly behind him. Lucas was sure he could still feel his gaze.

_What was his problem? What have I done to warrant this?_ He thought to himself. 

The book on his desk. _Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde_ by Stevenson, the only book he had yet to buy. Thumbing through it, Lucas could tell it was clearly well-loved. The pages were dog-eared and the margins had the scribblings of a madman. He stopped at the first page. 

_Buy two get one free_

_~Eliott_

Lucas turned to glimpse at the man behind him. The Punk, Eliott, watched him as though he hadn’t turned his gaze from the back of Lucas’ head for a moment, as though he was waiting all those seconds for Lucas to turn around and meet him. Punk Kid smiled as though he were proud of himself. 

_There was something about him._ Lucas couldn’t put his finger on it. 

He maybe lingered a little longer than he should have, he was waiting for Eliott to turn away, but he didn’t. There was no shame written on any feature of that face that leaned back imperiously on its neck, just looking at Lucas. They sat there for what was likely only moments until Arthur pulled him back to class with a nudge. 

The teacher had begun talking but he had entirely missed what he said. 

“Are you going to eat those?” Arthur whispered, nodding at the chips.

“No.” Lucas came back to himself, “No, go ahead.” 

Arthur dug in. 

  
  
  
  
  


Once class let out, Lucas and his friends made a mad dash to the cafeteria. It was only about 4pm, but Lucas was ravenous. He sat down with not one, but two full plates of food. 

“Woah, chief. Slow down,” Yann said after watching him eat for half a minute.

“Yeah c’mon, man. We’re eating!” Arthur laughed. 

“Isn’t that your girl?” Basile pointed at Chloé who was walking towards them. 

Lucas looked up and almost choked on his food. He quickly wiped his mouth and shoved his second plate in front of Bas to make it look like he wasn’t just pigging out.

“Hey, Lucas! May I join you?” 

“Yeah of course.”

She smiled at him and set her tray down. The boys realized that they were all staring at her and promptly pretended to be enrapt in their meals. 

“How've you been in the last-” Chloé checked her watch, “fifteen hours or so?”

Lucas smiled. _She’s flirting with me._ He leaned back in his seat, feeling more confident. 

He shrugged, “not as good as I was fifteen hours ago.” _Smooth. “_ And you?”

Chloé flashed a grin then shrugged, “How much of last night do you remember?”

“Oh, I’d say I remember it pretty clearly. But what stands out in my mind is that I seemed to have my ass handed to me at beer pong.” 

Chloé laughed and took a bite of her salad. There weren’t many people eating at this time, in fact, most of the tables were empty. 

“Can I ask you a question?” 

Chloé looked up and nodded.

“What the hell are you doing here eating at 4:30 in the afternoon?” 

She laughed again, wiping her mouth with a napkin. “You caught me. Truthfully, I have a class at five and then another at about six-thirty, so naturally it’s nearly 8pm by the time I get out, and, well you get the picture.”

Lucas nodded. 

“But the real question, I think, is what are you doing here?”

“She’s got you there, man,” Basile nudged him.

“Ah, it turns out not eating for almost a full twenty-four hours isn’t a great experience. I wouldn’t recommend it.” 

“Ha! I don’t think you could pay me!” She beamed at him. 

He felt like he was on fire. Finally, someone was interested in him, and he hadn’t fucked it up after the first time. Truth be told, he was comfortable around her. Most men his age might’ve feared women or tried to win their love, but Lucas didn’t feel that way. If Chloé didn’t work out, another would probably come along sometime after . 

“Well, I have to get going,” she sighed after a moment. “French class awaits.”

“Hey, If you give me your number, I could tell you how I am in another fifteen hours. Maybe I’ll have something more interesting to say.”

She looked at him for a minute and bit her lip, smiling. She was beautiful. Then she grabbed a pen out of her bag, held his hand steady, and wrote it on his wrist. 

“That’s about 8:30 in the morning. I look forward to hearing from you.” Chloé got up to leave, only turning back to wave at him.

“Shit, man you have to teach us how to do that.”

“Yeah, she’s smokin’.”

“You better not fuck this up,” Arthur looked at him with a stern expression, as though he would never have another chance again.

“I won’t.” 

  
  
  


_______________

  
  
  


It was starting to get chilly in Chicago. The sun was setting around 7pm which annoyingly cut down the time that Lucas could spend outside. He wanted to spend every second that he could enjoying the outdoors, before he would need to wear two pairs of pants at once just to get to the grocery store in one piece.

On the other hand though, the sun rose later. This was a time that Lucas relished, when he was awake for it. It was the only time the streets were devoid of drunk teenagers or anyone at all. His university sat about fifteen minutes by train away from the inner-city, but it was far enough to feel relatively suburban and not hear cars honking every ten minutes. 

Once or twice, his body woke him early enough to make the forty minute walk to the lake before the sun rose. It was in those moments, when he sat on the pier and watched color fill the sky and paint the waves, that he felt the god he’d heard so much about. The gulls loudly greeted the day and the water calmly roared and pushed and pulled onto the cement edge then back again. Had it been summer, Lucas might’ve taken his off shoes and socks, stood on the edge, and watched the waves engulf his feet. Little rituals like these connected him to the world. 

Like when he would go camping on a retreat as a kid, and he’d wake in the morning and unzip his tent, only to feel the morning dew and hear the waking chirp of crickets and other wild things that watched him somewhere from the trees. It was during moments like these when he hated himself for noticing how little he felt of this in a church. 

In fact, as a child he was completely enamoured with the _Tarzan_ movies with Mike Henry. There were at least three halloween costumes that were all due to _Tarzan_ . It was like he had a foot in both worlds, the natural and the societal, and he truly belonged to neither. He’d never felt a sense of community with people, he’d have much preferred to get lost in the woods or live in a jungle treehouse like in _Swiss Family Robinson._

And truth be told, Chicago was probably not his best option for this reason, but he just needed more than anything to get away. How was he supposed to figure out who he wanted to be when his parents were so suffocating? 

In the end he was happy with his decision. He’d have his whole life to explore nature, his friends here were good to him, and school was tough but manageable. But he couldn’t help but feel as though something was missing from his life, something that might never have been there to start with. He couldn’t quite place it but he could feel it. 

This was the kind of thing he thought about when he couldn’t sleep at night, or perhaps he couldn’t sleep at night because he was thinking about this kind of thing. Either way, that night both his thoughts and his sleep were interrupted by the noise coming from the living room. 

“Do you mind!” He shouted at Lisa and Mika, “It’s nearly one in the morning, there are people trying to sleep!” 

His roommates had been watching something or another and promptly gotten into an argument that involved pillow thrashing and laughing. Sometimes Lucas wished that Lisa and Mika just hated each other like a normal family.

“Lulu, c’mon it’s Friday night! Don’t you have somewhere to be?” 

“Look, I didn’t get much sleep last night because I could hear your bed creaking _again_ , so I think it’s fair to ask you to turn it down a bit, yeah?”

Lisa rolled her eyes, and muttered “I told you having a third roommate would be a killjoy.”

Lucas left and got in bed, but sleep didn’t come any easier. He groaned and rolled over. He must’ve laid there for an hour before he finally turned the light on and rubbed his eye. He reached for the book that he’d lazily tossed onto his desk. 

_Frankenstein._ He read the cover summary. _Looks kind of interesting._

Most kids read it in high school, but Lucas hadn’t. In fact it was on the list of banned books for being ‘ungodly,’ which was funny to him because how could anything be _ungodly_ if god created everything?

He had to read the first fifty pages by Wednesday, honestly he was supposed to have the first twenty already read but he couldn’t be bothered. Lucas skimmed the first few pages. Then the next few. He hadn’t even noticed that he became engrossed in the book until he yawned halfway down page 93.

“Jesus,” he said, looking at the time. It was close to 3 am. Lucky for him, he had all weekend to recover. He set the book down and turned the light off.

Eliott, of all people, popped into his mind. Part of Lucas really hated him. He hated that Eliott was seemingly comfortable in any situation, that he wore what he wanted and answered to no one. Lucas ached to be like that. 

Lucas fell asleep upon coming to the conclusion that he supposed he admired Eliott.

  
  



	4. The Boxer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter today! Sorry for the filler, but next few chapters will be very interesting (hopefully)
> 
> As usual, let me know what you think !

_In the clearing stands a boxer_

_And a fighter by his trade_

_And he carries the reminders_

_Of every glove that laid him down_

_Or cut him 'til he cried out_

_In his anger and his shame_

_"I am leaving, I am leaving"_

_But the fighter still remains !_

____________

More and more, Lucas saw evidence of counter-culture on the streets. It was like they’d all decided to come out of hibernation at once. The truth is that they’d always been there, he’d just failed to notice. 

The farther north he walked, towards Belmont, the more he saw it. People dressed in leather everything, with gravity-defying, unnaturally colored, mohawks. There were hippies with long wispy hair, Mods with four-inch plastic go-go boots. None of these people would’ve been caught dead in Lucas’ suburban hometown. 

It was like he’d stepped into a different world. He immediately felt alien.

They all looked so different from each other and even more so from him, not just in the way they dressed, but the way they carried themselves. 

It was a Tuesday afternoon in early October. His last class ended an hour ago and he could wander as long as he liked. He caught himself walking stronger, perhaps unknowingly emulating the confident stride of the people around him. 

His feet self-assuredly carried him around the corner, where he was met face to face with the _Gallery Bookstore_. Air escaped his lungs. 

After a moment’s hesitation, he decided to push into the little shop. The bell rang as he went in. Lucas wasn’t entirely sure what he was doing here, but he supposed looking for something interesting to read wasn’t outside of his comfort. 

He found himself in the literature section. Many of the titles sparked recognition but he’d never read any. Arthur would sometimes get on the topic of literature, mostly when he was drunk. He was a skinny boy growing up in a small town in Wisconsin. There was little else he wanted to do than spend his Saturday afternoons with a book. 

Hermann Hesse is a name he’d heard once or twice, Fitzgerald, oh Arthur had very strong views on Salinger. 

“Can I help you find something?” 

Lucas looked up. Eliott, it could only be Eliott, stood over him. He was a full head taller which didn’t help the intimidation that Lucas vowed he’d conquer. 

His hair, still green at the ends, was combed upwards in the back standing an inch or two from his head, and as it went closer to his forehead, it hung more in his face. As though Elvis were trying a new, sort of extraterrestrial look. 

As much as Lucas hated to admit it, it suited him nicely. 

“Well?” 

Lucas didn’t know what to say. “Yeah, I’m- I’m looking for a new book.”

Eliott scoffed, “Frankenstein isn’t doing it for you?”

“No… I finished it.” 

Eliott appeared vaguely impressed, but then quickly caught himself and his expression turned to that of indifference. “I didn’t take you for a reader.” 

“Well I’m here aren’t I?”

Eliott raised his eyebrow, eyes wandering over him briefly, “I guess you are. Searching for anything in particular?”

“Uh,” he racked his brain for any one of the author’s names that ran through his mind only moments before. “A recommendation?” 

Eliott smirked. It was maybe the first genuine smile Lucas had ever seen from him. There was no patronizing meaning behind it. Maybe next time, he could get him to smile wide enough to show some teeth.

Eliott started to walk towards the end of the section, and Lucas followed.

“What’s your name?”

“Huh?”

“Your name.”

“Yes sorry, long night. It’s Lucas,” he smiled sheepishly. _Why did he care? Was he always so...blunt?_

“Where are you from, because you don’t seem to be from around here.”

_Am I that obvious?_

“Actually I’m from the suburbs about an hour north.” 

“Well then Lucas, I have the perfect book for you,” Eliott pulled a thick book with a red cover from the shelf. He didn’t bother showing it to Lucas before he rang him up. 

“You have money today or will I be stealing another book for you?” Eliott said with a glimmer of amusement. 

“Yeah, okay I’ve got cash this time,” Lucas laughed. He handed a few dollars to Eliott. The register made a _ding_ and a drawer flew open. 

“Although I have to imagine the book you gave me came from your own shelf and not from here.” Lucas supposed he was feeling bold making this comment, but then again, any action towards Eliott needed to feel bold. 

Eliott looked at him. He had an intense sort of gaze that made Lucas feel like he was under a microscope, but, strangely, it wasn’t uncomfortable. Eliott was trying to hold back a devious smile. He shrugged and his eyebrow arched as if to say _does it matter?_ But his lips gave it all away, _yes_ , they said, _of course it matters._

“So what if it did?”

It felt like a challenge. Their eyes met in a game of Chicken, both interested to see who would be the first to pull away. 

“Enjoy,” he said, a hint of amusement as Lucas took the bag and left. 

_Eliott won Chicken._

The bell rang in his exit. Lucas stood on the sidewalk for a moment to catch his breath. He didn’t know what it was about Eliott that intrigued him so much. He was nervous around him, that was for sure, but it was a different kind of nervous than other people. 

It was like Eliott saw right through him on everything, right down to his core. The more Eliott looked, the more he saw, and that didn’t seem to bother him. Arthur and Yann, they didn’t care to understand, not that they weren’t great people, but he couldn’t be right with them. Hell, he couldn’t be right with himself. But for some reason, he could be right with Eliott.

It was during his lengthy walk home that he realized that he knew even less about the guy than their last meeting. Eliott even asked him where he was from and Lucas, in his state, forgot to return the question. 

  
  


_Stupid,_ he thought.

When he got home, he remembered that he didn’t even know the name of the book he’d bought. He pulled it out of the bag. The covers were red and there was a ribbon of illustration across the front. It was a man butchering an animal which hung from the ceiling.

_The Jungle,_ it read, by Upton Sinclair. 

He’d heard of this book. He’d learned about it briefly in High School, about the Muckrakers, those who had the privilege to cry out and demand justice, bringing forth the Industrial Revolution that made America and so many others, what they are today. 

Lucas furrowed his brow. _Why the hell did he give me this one?_

He read the first three chapters and was not closer to the answer. He supposed it was due to the fact that Chicago wasn’t his city, not really, even despite his time spent there. He didn’t understand the city so much as Eliott seemed to. 

He read further. By the time he was due to be back in class the next day, he had read 167 pages of the book, and all it had managed to do was make him enraged and nauseous. The guy went on and on and on about how shitty the working conditions were that the poor were trapped in for fifteen hours a day and how they slaughtered animals, shoved the whole corpse into a ginder and whatever came out the other end was sent off, having been deemed healthy enough for consumption. 

He thought he’d never touch another burger for as long as he lived. 

“You must have a strong stomach, if you’re reading that,” Imane whispered as their professor lectured.

Lucas hummed in agreement, unwilling to look up from his page. 

“Didn’t expect you to go for something like that.” 

“It’s pretty good,” He closed the book, “and you’re the second person in two days to tell me something like that. Is it written on my face or something?” 

Imane shrugged.

  
  
  


Lucas got to his next class late, the vending machine was jammed and damn it, he wasn’t going to leave until he got his bag of chips! He sat down next to Yann and got his materials out. Lucas turned back to peer at the faces behind him and frowned. Eliott nowhere to be seen. 

“Who are you looking for?” Yann nudged him.

“No one,” Lucas muttered.

“Alright, let’s begin,” The prof started, “who can tell me what happened in the first five chapters?” 

  
  
  


____________

  
  
  


“You didn’t call,” Chloé looked down at him, her tray of food in hand, “I was waiting for you to call.” She looked disappointed. 

Lucas stared at her, trying to think of something to say, “Oh Shit! I’m sorry, Chloé. I had a family problem, I… needed to rush home.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I hope it wasn’t too bad, was it?” She sat across from him. 

“Well I mean my mother is a little crazy, and she freaks out over little things. She’d use the same tone to tell me to come home immediately if my father died as if she’d stained the rug,” he smiled, “so no, it wasn’t as bad as she made it seem.”

She smiled back.

“But I am sorry,” he looked at her earnestly. He didn’t want to ruin this. “Let me make it up to you?”

She nodded, “Sure.” 

  
  
  
  


Saturday night, the two of them went to an 8:15 showing of the new horror flick, _Suspiria_ , then they went to an all-night taco joint for a quick bite. Lucas was still trying to piece together what he’d just seen over a (vegetarian) burrito. 

The film had been full of color and light, yet still managed to create fear almost seamlessly. Almost to say that real horror can happen in broad daylight.

“Just terrifying! I don’t see how anyone can enjoy being scared like that,” Chloé complained between bites of taco. “I mean, how will I sleep tonight!”

“I liked it,” Lucas said nonchalantly. “I thought it was very well done.” And he meant it. 

“Oh you would, you’re not afraid of anything!” She huffed.

That wasn’t true though, and Lucas knew it. The only difference was that his greatest fears weren’t manifested in horror films. He didn’t need them splashed across a movie screen to know them because they were already swimming around his head. 

They discussed the film a little more, but the talk bored him. In his defense of the film, Chloé neglected to hear his argument in lieu of “well, I just don’t think that young women should be subjected to that.” It was a dead end at every turn with her. She didn’t care to understand.

When they were finished eating, he walked her back to her dorm hall, and she kissed him on the lips, saying she had a wonderful time, before turning in for the night. 

He walked down the street with his hands in his pockets. Chloé was a nice enough girl, but he wouldn’t want to marry her or anything. He wasn’t sure how much further their relationship would progress. Oh well…

He didn’t want to think about it any more. It was only about 11, he was wide awake, and had nothing to do.

_Maybe the gang is around… who am I kidding, they don’t have dates or alcohol, of course they’re around._

  
  
  
  


____________

  
  
  
  


It was Friday. Lucas hadn’t come to class early but he was dismayed to be the first of his friends to be there. They were still discussing _Frankenstein_ which Lucas found himself listening with interest, sometimes even contributing despite having read the chapters weeks ago. He surprised himself with the amount of insight he offered in class. 

The lecture was about to start and not one of his friends had showed up. To make matters worse, at the height of his despair, Eliott dipped into class and sat down directly next to him, not looking up, as though it were totally natural. 

He hadn’t seen him in a week and a half, he’d almost forgotten about him. Almost. 

Lucas studied the side of his face, trying to figure out what he was doing here. Eliott had a somewhat hooked nose and a straight jaw. This time his hair was combed back, likely in an attempt to not get stopped in the halls. 

At one point after the professor had begun, Eliott turned to find Lucas watching him with an unidentifiable emotion laid across his face. It wasn’t discomfort or scorn for catching him looking, more as if to say _what do you think_? to a question that was never asked.

Lucas looked away, pretending to pay attention to the lecture, but his mind buzzed. 

“ _Well. Congratulations on finishing what is hailed as the very first science-fiction novel ever written…_ ” The teacher said merrily.

Eliott leaned over to him and whispered, “Apparently she wrote this after giving birth to a still-born.” 

“.. _.in lieu of an exam I’d like you to showcase your knowledge of this text in a paper. On your way out, please pick up the guidelines for this assignment and come tell me who you’ll be working with_ …” 

Lucas didn’t know what to say, “That’s horrifying.” 

“... _Now, those of you who failed to finish or perhaps even open the text will be happy to know that I will ask everyone to work in a pair_ …” 

Eliott shrugged, “That’s what I like about it. Really puts things into perspective.”

Lucas smiled.

“... _But, if your partner reports you as putting forth less-than satisfactory efforts, I will instead have him or her complete an exam which I will not be grading kindly, so make a wise decision. Class is dismissed, but please let me know if you have any questions at all, I’d be happy to stay after. Don’t forget to pick up a paper!_ ”

Eliott scribbled something on a scrap of paper and handed it to Lucas.

“What’s this?” Lucas asked.

Eliott swung his bag over his shoulder. “My address. We’re partners, yeah? You have any time tomorrow?” 

“Uh,” Lucas didn’t know what part of that he should respond to first, “yeah, I’m around.”

“Come around four, we can get started.” 

Before he even got an answer, Eliott picked up a page from the teacher’s desk, said something to the man, and nodded back at Lucas. 

“Cool,” he said to himself. He gathered his things, slightly confused as to what had just happened. He was the last student remaining in the classroom. 

“That Eliott is a force to be reckoned with, isn’t he?”

Lucas nodded, picking up a paper from the desk then grabbing a few for his friends, “yeah.” 

“Shouldn’t be a problem, he does excellent work. Plus, he seems to like you,” Prof. Tillman smiled warmly, “Have a good weekend, Lucas.”

His face flushed, “You too, sir.” 

  
  
  



	5. Heroin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ehehe here it is. 
> 
> I strongly recommend listening to the song, it's really beautiful. (and of course the rest of the album is excellent)
> 
> "Heroin" by the Velvet Underground.
> 
> As always, let me know what you think !

_Away from the big city_

_Where a man cannot be free_

_Of all the evils of this town_

_And of himself and those around_

_Oh, and I guess that I just don't know_

_Oh, and I guess that I just don't know !_

_________________

He clutched the paper between his fingers. He was on the southwest corner of Clark and Roscoe… looking into a barber shop. The address written was nowhere to be found. He saw 3178 Clark street and 3182, but no 3180. 

Between the barber shop and convenience store, there was a blue door squeezed in between the storefronts. There were no markings or numbers on it, but Lucas pressed the buzzer. 

Nothing happened. He waited a few moments then pressed it again. 

After what felt like ten minutes there was a slam inside. Eliott pushed the door open for Lucas and smiled, catching Lucas by surprise. 

The door led to a narrow staircase covered in faded emerald carpet.

“Thank you,” he said as Eliott held the door, waiting for him to pass. “It was fun finding this place. I couldn’t decide if you lived in the closet of a convenience shop or a barbershop... but with that hair, my guess would’ve been convenience store.”

Eliott snorted. Lucas looked back to him as they climbed the stairs. Eliott smiled at his feet, and squeezed passed him to unlock the door at the top. The space was small, and Lucas could smell freshly pressed soap and tobacco that hung on Eliott with every movement. 

The second door gave way to a smallish living room with a worn out leather couch and a bookshelf. One wall was floor to ceiling windows overlooking the street, making everything feel more spacious. Eliott didn’t bother with a tour, he went directly to his bedroom. 

Lucas was surprised to find how clean it was. Bed was made (even though it was a mattress on the floor), shag carpet was vacuumed, even his desk was neat. The wall that separated his room from the common space was red brick in the areas that weren't covered in music posters. 

“Drop your shit wherever.” 

His room was ridiculously him. Even the stand-up mirror across the room near the door had markered doodles along the edges. In the opposite corner sat a milk crate that was so full of records, that you could hardly stick your thumb in to look through it. Any color that was seen was loud and abrasive, and there were words scribbled in graphite on the white wall that his bed was pressed against. 

Eliott leaned against the wall and watched him take it all in. Lucas was lost somewhere in the milieu of papers tacked to the wall when Eliott stepped next to him. Lucas’ heartbeat quickened when he realized how close they were, “did you do them?”

“Some of them,” Eliott looked at him.

“They’re really good,” Lucas returned his gaze. “You could be an artist if you wanted to.” 

Eliott shrugged, pulling away, “beer?” 

“Sure,” Lucas’ attention pulled back to the art.

Eliott left and came back, handing him a bottle.

“Wait a second. How did you get this?” Lucas looked at his beer. It was the good stuff, not the crap most underage college boys could get their hands on.

“Don’t ask stupid questions,” Eliott smiled and took a sip, “it doesn’t suit you.” 

Lucas smiled too. He was starting to adjust to the bluntness of Eliott’s sense of humor. _Don’t take anything too seriously,_ he reminded himself.

Eliott took out a cigarette, “D’you mind if I smoke?”

“It’s your house,” Lucas smiled. 

Eliott lit the stick between his teeth while Lucas pulled out the assignment. He started reading over it, but again his mind could hardly focus on the words. He rubbed his eyes. If he was being honest, he hadn’t been sleeping. He blamed it on Mika, but it was his own thoughts keeping him awake. And if he was being _really_ honest, they mostly had to do with this very meeting. 

“God, I don’t want to do this paper right now,” Lucas muttered.

“So don’t,” Eliott sighed, sitting on his mattress and tapping his cigarette into an ashtray on the floor. He then held out the thing to Lucas, and it was then that Lucas realized it wasn’t a tobacco cigarette. It had a different smell, more herbal. 

Lucas took it, and took a puff so as not to seem ungrateful. He coughed immediately.

Eliott chuckled. “Never smoked weed before?” He took off his jacket and got more comfortable. 

Lucas shook his head, still trying to clear his throat. 

“Suck it in and hold it there,” Eliott watched him do so. His eyes were calm and waiting. “Now exhale.” 

He let out a steady stream of clouded air. His throat burned but not painfully. Maybe it was the abnormal intervals of his breathing as he slowly got high, or maybe it was psycho-somatic but Lucas could feel his mind grow a little fuzzier with each breath.

“You better slow down on that thing, or we’re going to have a real good time,” he mischievously smirked at Lucas.

Eliott got up and plucked a record from the stack. As he was crouched over the crate, Lucas got a look at him. He was wearing a shirt that only went down his midriff, like it was meant for a woman or maybe he’d cut it himself. Either way, Eliott was strong and lean and it wasn’t difficult to watch the muscles shift under movement.

The song started. It was far calmer than the kind of music Lucas would have expected to hear from him. And then the vocals started in.

  
  


_Sunday morning brings the dawn in...It's just a restless feeling by my side_

  
  


Eliott closed his eyes for a moment, listening, “Velvet Underground,” then, “This song reminds me of morning sex.”

  
  


_Early dawning, Sunday morning...It's just the wasted years so close behind..._

  
  


“Why do you dress like that?” Lucas felt himself say. He immediately regretted it when Eliott didn’t answer, he was focussed on the record.

“Like what?” He prodded, knowing exactly what he meant but clearly trying to get Lucas to say it. He stared intently as if Lucas was treading on thin ice and it was desperately interesting.

  
  


_Watch out, the world's behind you...There's always someone around you who will call...It's nothing at all..._

  
  


“You know…” he shifted uncomfortably, “like you’re trying to ruin a funeral.” Lucas was definitely starting to feel the effects of the marijuana.

Eliott rolled these words around in his head for a moment, then smiled widely, apparently deciding he liked it. Then his smile faded, and his eyes locked on Lucas.

“Art is meant to comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable,” he said with faux-dramatics. He was waiting to see what Lucas would say to that.

And it was clear that upon entering his home, that Lucas had unknowingly entered into a game he'd never played and for which he didn’t know the rules, but he was losing. It was like Eliott was challenging him to expose himself as a fake. 

Because he was, wasn’t he? A fake. 

All his life he’d subscribed to beliefs that didn’t reflect his own, he’d worn clothes he didn’t like, he’d spoken in a way that belittled others if it meant that he could get the attention off of himself. It was all clear to him now. 

He was doing it right now.

“A little pretentious to call yourself art, don’t you think?” he raised his eyebrow with provocation, “So which are you then?”

“Which am I what?” 

“Are you disturbed or comfortable?” 

Eliott didn’t take his eyes off of him for a second as he weighed his options. Then he looked over Lucas briefly before he said,

“It depends what I’m looking at.” 

In a moment of clarity, Lucas felt a chill run down his spine. For some reason, these words had a profound effect on him that, even through his haze, he would remember for the rest of his life.

“Some people think it’s just for attention but really it's a form of self expression. People love each other based on societal standards, you know, women with big breasts and small frames, tall men with muscles… dresses, skirts, suits. If I can be happy with myself in a woman’s shirt and your general funeral-ruining attire, maybe my worth comes from who I am, not what I look like.” 

Lucas had never really thought about it that way, but it made sense. Sometimes he wondered what Eliott would be like if he dressed ‘normally,’ but then, he realized, something would be missing. He wouldn’t be his truest self.

“Plus I like it and naturally it weeds out those who don’t care enough about people to get to know them.”

It was the first time Lucas had seen him go serious. 

Eliott looked up, “Why do you dress like _that?”_

Lucas thought about it. In truth, he’d always dressed like this. It wasn’t bad or anything, just… normal. The more he thought about it, the more he realized it didn’t suit him. But then again what did? How could he express himself if he didn’t even know himself? 

“I don’t know. I never really thought about it before,” It made him sad to think about. “‘I guess I don’t know myself as well as you do...”

Eliott hummed in response. He understood what Lucas meant. His beer was nearly empty, so he came back with two more, and handed one to Lucas. 

“You sure?” Lucas said before taking it.

Eliott nodded, “you seem like you need it.” He gave a small smile which Lucas returned and took the bottle. 

  
  
  


They talked for a while longer. Neither had noticed that the record had long since ran out. It was only until Lucas commented on how quiet the album was compared to what he expected Eliott to play him that they realized there wasn't music playing. 

“I can go darker if you like,” Eliott laughed, nodding towards the player. 

“No, it’s beautiful! Just not what I thought you’d play me.”

Eliott looked at him thoughtfully for a moment before flipping the album. By then, the combination of alcohol and marijuana had taken full effect. Neither felt like moving far. They laid on the carpet, waiting.

In the static before Side B came on, Eliott had lit a joint and exhaled smoke, “This is the best song on the album.”

He leant himself up over Lucas and handed him the cigarette. It was intimate. He chalked it up to being stoned.

“Close your eyes,” Eliott said softly. “If the song is your body, the percussion is your heartbeat and the violin is like the blood flowing through your veins.” 

Lucas did as he was told and let himself feel as he listened. 

It started innocently enough, with a guitar riff that was soothing and the drum beating slowly. At some point the violin faded in, playing one long note at a time, the same long note over and over, seemingly ceaseless until the words and the drum grew faster. The singer grew more excited, as did the instruments, faster and faster until it all slowed back down. Only to speed back up for the next chorus, and slowing down again, until the drum and the violin was all to be heard.

Lucas could feel his own heart beating with the rhythm, the music swelled until the violin no longer held any concernable note, instead jumping and squealing sporadically and the drum seemed to grow and grow and grow. 

He could no longer hear the words through the screaming of the strings and the thrashing of the drum, but he was willing to bet that it wasn’t as important as everything else. Then, it all stopped. It grew quieter again until the whole song slowed to a halt. 

  
  


There was only a moment between the end of that song and the start of another, but during that time Lucas felt like he’d just been transported into someone else. 

“Shit,” he felt himself say. He opened his eyes to the ceiling, but then they fell to Eliott who was laying on his back next to him and watching Lucas’ face with a tranquil look. He might’ve been watching him the whole time. 

Lucas lazily held the joint over him, offering it to Eliott. He instead grasped Lucas’ wrist in hand and brought it to his face so he could suck the stick from between Lucas’ fingers. 

He felt his breath leave him and his blood rush south. Eliott was beautiful, he really was. In a lot of ways. There was an effortlessness about him, an easiness despite his tough exterior, that made Lucas jealous. And his confidence, there was something deeply erotic about it.

They looked at each other. If he just came a little closer he could…

There was a buzz at the door. At first, he wasn’t sure if it was alarm bells in his head or if they were real but either way, it snapped him out of whatever he was thinking of doing. 

Eliott got up immediately and went to the door. Lucas could hear him clomping down the steps and opening the front door. Someone else was definitely there and it was definitely a woman. He heard them exchanging greetings and then clammer back up the steps.

“Oh, who’s this?” She said, stopping in the doorway, “and what’d you do to him, the poor boy?” She wore a skin-tight black dress and platform boots. Her hair was blue and it stuck out every which way. But what Lucas noticed most was his hand wrapped around her waist, slowly dropping to her thigh.

“Nothing, it was his first time” Eliott made a motion as though he were sucking in a joint, “and this is Lucas. He’s in my literature class. Lucas, this is Lucille.”

She turned to Eliott and wrapped her arms around him, as though she were bored of their present conversation. “I’m hungry, Eli. Let’s get some food,” She whined.

Eliott looked up at Lucas who was already gathering his things. “Let’s plan to meet again, yeah? You’ll be fine getting home? Do you want train fare?” 

Lucas shook his head, “No, I’m fine. Thanks. See you in class.” Eliott didn’t wait to offer a goodbye before they started making out. 

As he exited, he could hear giggling from the room. He bursted out of the place, and time seemed to move in a different direction. He hadn’t realized it had gotten dark already, and he didn’t really know how to get back to the trains. He picked the way that he thought looked most familiar and started heading down the way. 

He felt disgusting. Not physically, but was angry! Angry at himself for getting close to Eliott, letting himself feel close to him, and then by the way Eliott turned him out, it was clear that he let himself feel more than what was there.

God, what was it that he felt? There was a moment he could’ve kissed him, maybe it was just the inebriation, but he was definitely at least a little aroused by him. Lucas stopped on the street. _Aroused?_ His catholic guilt prevented him from kissing girls, so logically the next natural option to him was to start kissing men?

He was disgusted by himself. That couldn’t be him could it?

  
  
  


_Could it?_

  
  
  



	6. I Put a Spell on You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry this took a bit longer, my week started and I fell asleep last night before I got to post this. 
> 
> Just as a heads up, the next two weeks, I might have to slow down a bit on my updates. It's exam season! But after that I have nothing going on for a long time so don't think that I've forgotten, or gotten bored of this fic. I'll certainly finish it, it just might take a little longer than expected. :(
> 
> Have a good day !

_You know I can't stand it_

_You're runnin' around_

_You know better daddy_

_I can't stand it 'cause you put me down_

_Oh no_

_I put a spell on you_

_Because you're mine !_

______________

  
  


Lucas knew why he was upset, but he didn’t want to admit it. There was one point where he got to sleep but then someone made a noise and he was up for hours. 

He wanted all of Eliott’s attention. He liked the intensity of his gaze, it made him feel wanted in every sense of the word. But coming to that conclusion scared the shit out of him. He couldn’t be that very thing that his parents despised. He couldn’t be the butt of every joke made by his friends. This had to be an enigma. 

Yet,

He’d never felt anything like this. It should’ve been clear the moment Lucas thought his smile was beautiful and wanted to make him laugh more often. And just thinking of him made his heart beat a little quicker. 

No. No, people got through this. There were people in his hometown that were cured, right? It’s just a sickness that he could survive. There were programs for this kind of thing. Maybe eventually he could convince himself to be normal and it would be fine.

It was probably just because Eliott was new and mysterious, maybe it was because he was an outcast and Lucas pitied him. Maybe Lucas was just seeking attention, a cry for help. It wasn’t Eliott that interested him, it was the idea of it. And that sort of thing he could find in a woman, he just hasn’t found the right woman yet. Yeah, this wasn’t real. It couldn’t be.

Lucas rolled over in bed. He felt like crying but he had to be stronger. 

  
  


His head hurt, he just wanted to sleep. 

______________

“Man, you missed the coolest Darty,” Bas always got excited when he went to these things. 

“What the hell is a ‘Darty’?” Lucas looked at him. 

“Day-Party. ‘Darty’.” 

“I see. Is that why you left me to fend for myself on Friday?” 

“Yeah… sorry man. We got the invite about an hour before it started and we couldn’t find you.”

“I was in Business Stats. You missed picking partners in Tillman’s class for a project, only pairs are allowed.”

“Oh,” Yann said, “well that’ll work out then because there are four of us.”

“...actually I had to pick someone else,” Lucas said.

Bas groaned.

“So who’re you with,” Arthur asked. “Do I know her?”

“Actually it’s that guy. The one with the green hair,” Lucas said nonchalantly. “He seems to know the stuff though, so I think I’ll coast.”

“I’m going to try to be partners with that babe in the back row,” Yann mused.

“That kid seems like bad news,” Arthur said, continuing his conversation with Lucas. 

That’s one way to describe it, Lucas thought.

“How’s Chloé?” Bas made a disgusting kissy noise. 

“Wouldn’t you like to know? She’s fine. We saw a horror film the other day and she went on and on about how terrible it was and I don’t know... She’s kind of clingy.”

“Clingy,” Yann laughed, “I dream of clingy.”

“No one’s knocking down the doors to have a chance with us. What other options do you have, man?”

Lucas looked out over the cafeteria. It was crowded and the lines were long.

“That one looks pretty nice,” he said, pointing his head towards a particularly busty girl purchasing her meal. “I’d let her do things to me.”

The gang looked at each other in disbelief.

“You okay, Lucas? You seem a little… off today.” 

“I’m fine, I just think I need to up my standards. You know, play in my league.”

“Right…” Yann’s eyebrows furrowed. 

“Don’t go getting a big head, Lucas. You’ve just had your first kiss, don’t make it your last,” Arthur said, wisely. 

“Either way, Imane told me about a halloween party this weekend. Lots of girls. Lots of booze. Should be off the hook.”

“Far out, man.” 

“She’s friends with that girl Daphné, right?”

“I think so. Maybe she’ll be there.” 

They talked for a bit longer before clearing their trays at the garbage cans and leaving. Their conversation turned to lighter things, like films and music. They pushed open the doors to leave the building and were greeted with a gust of cold air. Fall was here. 

Lucas turned. Rounding the corner he saw Eliott, who appeared to be coming into the cafeteria with one of his buddies that looked even more menacing than he did. His friend was shaved bald save a few tall strands of hair which were molded into spikes, running a line down a stripe on his head.

“Oh shit. Hey, Lucas. Saturday was nice, we should do it again sometime. Maybe next time we could actually work on the project.” Eliott winked at him and turned back to his friend as they entered the building. 

The gang stood there gawking, including Lucas. He felt the blood drain from his face. His mind was blank. He’d felt such strong resentment in the days following their meeting, it baffled him that Eiott seemed to have felt none of it. Or was it simply that Eliott hadn’t meant it that deeply. 

That was ridiculous. Lucas could feel Eliott’s fingers around his wrist and his lips at the cigarette that he was holding. If that were true, what meant that lingering look that seemed to await Lucas at every turn?

“What was that?” Arthur asked, 

How did Eliott manage to ruin him so casually with every interaction? 

“It was nothing,” Lucas swallowed. He would have to be much stronger than that if he was going to get through this.

“I wish I could be as cool as that guy.” 

“It didn’t look like nothing.”

  
  
  
  


Lucas didn’t sleep. He knew he wouldn’t. He stayed up watching whatever was on and must’ve passed out around 4 am. The nights he knew his thoughts would keep him awake, he usually would do this. He would exhaust himself until he fell into a deep, dreamless sleep, only to wake up feeling even worse the next day. It was better than tossing and turning all night.   
  


Eliott wasn’t in class that week. Not that Lucas wanted him to be… but the assignment was due the following Wednesday and they’d hardly started. He didn’t stress about it, instead, he filled his time with Chloé. Though, he was no fonder of her than he was at any other point, but it was good to have someone. Kissing was better, once she even let him slip a hand up her shirt and that he considered to be a great win. 

  
  


Soon enough, Friday was here and the gang was getting ready. Halloween was one night a year that the whole city it seemed, could agree to get absolutely hammered. Walking down the street, you could hear music blaring from every other house, sometimes there would be too many guests in one place and the party would spill into the front yard.

It was a wicked night that Lucas never got to celebrate as a child, but he would make up for that now. Although he got so drunk that he couldn’t even remember his last two halloweens, but from what his friends say, they were excellent.

  
  


Tonight, Arthur was going as a vampire, Yann as a baseball player, Basile a spaceman, and Chloé was helping all of them put it together. Lucas originally didn’t know what he wanted to go as. Generally, he preferred to put as little thought into it as possible. He could wear everyday clothes, but just a tad nicer and go as “somebody who cares.”

Chloé insisted that he dressed up, that they dressed up together. They ultimately agreed on being Frankenstein and his bride, cheesy I know, but now at least if anyone asked Lucas would be knowledgeable on the story.

Lucas wore a black jacket with shoulder pads, he’d used body glue to secure two bolts on his neck, and used hair grease to flatten his hair over his forehead. He felt totally ridiculous, but he was a little more comfortable standing next to Bas.

They arrived at the party which was already in full swing. People were dancing as Barbies and superheroes, there was a Sonny and Cher. Anything you could imagine was there that night, and they were all dancing to the Monster Mash.

“This is going to be the best party ever,” Basile jumped excitedly, making his spaceman helmet bob to and fro.

Every surface in the kitchen was littered in alcohol bottles, and there was a big barrel of fruit punch which was probably about 3% fruit and 97% punch. The rooms were being occupied, so you could really only step foot in the living room, the kitchen and the bathroom (if you dared). There was hardly two feet of elbow room in the whole place, it was so crowded.

Lucas found himself staying sober longer than he would’ve liked, Chloé was slowing him down and he resented her for it. Basile had left them to chase after his latest interest, and he would’ve preferred to watch. He downed a cup of punch as she dragged him to dance. She was immediately jumping and bopping along with everyone else, but Lucas was shy and self conscious.

“Dance with me!” She shouted.

“This isn’t really my kind of music,” he said with disinterest. 

“Oh come on, everyone likes the Monster Mash.”

He looked around indifferently. People were dancing and laughing, some were even kissing. 

Seeing that she wasn't holding his attention like she would've preferred, she humored him.

"Well what do you like then?" 

“Ever heard of the Sex Pistols? The Velvet Underground?”

She shook her head.

“The Dead Kennedys?”

“The what?” 

Lucas rolled his eyes. He was bored by this. It was rowdy enough, he could see his friends enjoying themselves on the other side of the room, Yann had even found a pretty young thing to dance with. 

Lucas sighed. Had he outgrown this?

Eliott and Lucille were making their way onto the dance floor. Lucas panicked. This wasn’t their scene, what could have possibly brought them here?

“Hey, Lucas.” Lucille said. 

Chloé popped in, “Hi! I’m Chloé, Lucas’ girlfriend.” 

“Nice to meet you.” she said indifferently. 

Lucas’ eyes had not left Eliott’s which looked at him as though he were waiting for something. His hair was combed neatly into a respectable sweep. He was wearing a dark pinstripe suit, and a bit of dark eyeshadow under his eyes. He hung his arm around Lucille’s shoulders, as much as the suit would allow him. 

She wore a sleek black dress that hugged her figure and dark, brooding makeup.

“Who are you supposed to be?” Chloé asked, not so politely.

“We’re Morticia and Gomez Addams… from the Addams family? You ever seen that?” 

Chloé shook her head. 

Eliott looked beautiful. 

“We’re Frankenstein and his bride.” 

“So you are," Lucile looked up at the man on her arm, signaling that she was done with this conversation. 

“See you around, Lucas,” Eliott said before turning and disappearing into the crowd. 

He danced for a little longer with Chloé, but it was preformative. His mind was somewhere else. He wanted to leave, or get so inebriated that he would remember none of this night, none of Chloé and certainly none of Eliott. 

Maybe he should drop out. School wasn’t really working for him anyways. He could always go to trade school. Forget any of this ever happened. 

Suddenly, it felt like all the air was being sucked out of the room. His vision slowed. He needed to get out of here. 

Lucas tore through the room to the door. People were talking and laughing in the yard, but it was better than being in there. He sat on the curb, dizzy. His head was still spinning when he laid down on the sidewalk. Air returned to his lungs, his heartbeat slowed. 

“It’s a bit early in the night to be this drunk,” Eliott smirked from above him.

Lucas didn’t respond. 

“Here. It helps with the nausea,” Eliott handed him a joint.

“I’m not drunk.”

“That’s too bad,” Eliott said, taking a puff when Lucas didn’t take it. He sat down beside him and looked at Lucas with that intense sort of stare. One of Eliott's legs was outstretched towards the street and the other was bent up, his arm leaning across it. 

Eliott looked strange this way. His hair was a bit more ruffled than it had been, but this is what he looked like dressed in relatively average clothes. He looked weird. It was still him of course, but perhaps something went missing with his quasi-mohawk and black leather jacket. 

Lucas took the joint between his lips. 

“Thank you,” he said shakily.

“Alright?”

“I’m fine, it just grew to be a lot. Usually I’m wasted by now, I didn’t expect to be this lucid and I don’t know. It just got to me.” 

Eliott sat back on his elbows, “yeah, this isn’t really my scene.”

“Yeah, why are you here?” Lucas said a bit harsher than he meant it. 

“I was hoping to see you,” he looked again, watching Lucas’ face.

When he didn’t say anything, Eliott stood up. 

“Come on,” he said, stretching a hand out to Lucas to help him up. Lucas stood, finding himself very close to Eliott. He could smell the weed and the aftershave on his skin. 

Eliott smiled at him, their hands still clasped, then turned on his heel to stride off in the opposite direction.

“Wait! Where are we going? We can’t just leave them here.”

“They’ll be okay, they’re big girls. Plus you need something better than a frat party tonight. Doctor’s orders.” Eliott shrugged as though it were out of his hands. 

  
  


Lucas looked back up at the building, then to Eliott, smiled and followed him down the street. 

  
  



	7. Don't Dream it, Be it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter today ! This chapter was very interesting to write. I fully intended to not include this kind of pop-culture but it seemed right for the situation. I'm sorry to those who have either never seen it on film or live, this chapter's going to be very strange but hopefully I described it well enough so that anyone could enjoy it. :) 
> 
> Also: was fully not intending to update today but I got too excited about htis that I neglected my hw oops
> 
> Next time you'll have the long awaited smut, and Im very much so looking forward to it.

Lucas had no idea where they were going, but he didn’t really care. Eliott did and that’s all he needed to know. It was fun to see all the houses and decorations and celebrations. It was too late to see kids trick or treating, but there was evidence of it. 

After Eliott put out the joint on the sidewalk, he bent over and scooped up an unopened lollipop, unwrapped it, and put it between his lips as if it were the most natural thing in the world. 

Lucas laughed, because _of course_ Eliott would do that. 

“What if it’s drugged!” 

Eliott smiled, “God, I hope it is.” 

Lucas laughed again. He wasn’t quite clear headed yet, especially with the joint taking affect. But it was nice to be away from that place.

Eliott looked at him, “You have a nice laugh, Lucas. It’s refreshing.” 

Again, he found it difficult to hold Eliott’s ernest inspection of his face. Lucas blushed, and tried to make a joke of it, “you sound like my grandmother.”

“Well your grandmother is right.”

“I’ll let her know you think so… also, where are we going?”

Eliott smiled again, “Don’t ask stupid questions.” 

They looked at each other for a moment.

“Just trust me," he added.

_I do,_ Lucas wanted to say. 

They walked in silence for a few minutes. Lucas was racking his brain for something to say.

“Okay, no stupid questions, but I’ve always wondered… Why are you here? Why do you go to a school that would rather have you miss class than wear your hair how you want?” 

“That is a good question. Congratulations,” Eliott said amusedly, “I transferred here from a different school, where I didn’t exactly… get along with the students, at least here I have friends. My parents thought a private, catholic education would faze out my, well, “insolence” as they so charitably named it. As you can see, their plan didn’t exactly work out... It wasn’t my first choice, but my being here allows me to live in a city that can accept me for who I am. The classes are just a side note, really.” 

“Is that why you skip all the time?” Lucas joked, but it was clear that his joke hadn’t landed well because Eliott turned away. The air around them changed into something like radio silence. 

“Yeah, I guess so.” 

Lucas knew not to press further. Eliott’s demeanor turned so quickly, it scared him. It reminded him how little he really knew Eliott. By now, he was afraid to ask. They just walked for a while. 

“You really must’ve enjoyed the book to dedicate your evening to a loser like Frankenstein’s monster,” Eliott joked half-heartedly.

He had totally forgotten what he was wearing.

“Okay, ouch,” Lucas laughed. “And there’s nothing wrong with liking the book, it’s a classic. Plus Chloé wanted to do a couples costume and this is all we could agree on.”

Eliott looked at his feet, “she seems nice, your Chloé… you two look good together.” 

“Yeah…” Lucas kept his eyes focussed on the road ahead, “I don’t know how much longer we'll be together though.”

“Oh?”

“She’s just… I don’t know. She’s great, but we don’t have similar interests… She has an opinion about everything and I have one about- “ _Nothing_ , he was about to say. But he dropped it. 

Eliott took his cue to change the subject a little. “Yeah, I guess I feel the same about Lucille. I don’t think I can give her what she needs, and even if I could… I’m not sure that I’d want to. I think that I’m going to have to end it soon.”

Lucas’ ears perked up, hearing this. _They looked so well together, if Eliott wasn’t happy with her then who could he be happy with?_

“Not interested in dating right now?”

“No, it’s not that. I just think she’s not the one for me. Like how you talk about Chloé, maybe we have similar feelings about it.” Eliott looked at him with a knowing sort of glance. 

They walked. Lucas was certain that he didn't know what Eliott meant by that. 

“Who is it that you’re supposed to be again?” He asked out of panic. 

“Gomez Addams?” Eliott looked incredulous, then gave a little smile. “Don’t tell me you’ve never seen the Addams Family.”

“I was never allowed to watch it.” 

“We’ll have to fix that.” Eliott’s smile widened. “What about the Twilight Zone?” 

Lucas shook his head. 

“God, your parents must’ve hated you.”

Lucas laughed. “This is only the third Halloween that I’ve not spent in church, in all my life, because they thought Trick-or-Treating was devil worship. And I’m only able to because I’ve been lying since I’ve been here.” 

Eliott shook his head. rambled off other pop-culture that Lucas had missed growing up. Most times when people would criticize Lucas for his abnormal upbringing, they’d take it with scorn, as though his childhood was somehow less legitimate than theirs. It was a conversation he was used to having since he’d arrived at university, and he knew which topics to avoid. He’d learned to take the other’s side about the whole thing and just let them rip into his family, because otherwise they would rip into him.

He didn’t feel this from Eliott. He listened to Lucas intently, occasionally sneaking in little joking comments like “that’s blasphemy!” and sometime when Lucas said that he’d never seen nor read something Eliott’s face would light up a little as he explained the plot with enthusiasm. 

Lucas felt like he could tell him anything. 

_Almost_ anything. 

Eventually they took a shortcut through an alleyway and when they got back onto the main road, Lucas was stupefied by shimmering lights. They’d walked all the way to Southport, which was alive and full of people chattering and laughing, even though it was getting late.

Eliott started to walk towards the movie theatre that sat and beckoned him in with the posters and the glowing NOW SHOWING sign. Lucas immediately felt that familiar feeling. He was, again, a stranger in a strange land. Ordinarily, in a place like this people would snicker at him, not for being different, but for being exactly the same as anyone who thought they were better than anyone else. 

There was a small group leaning against the wall outside the theater, having a smoke and dressed to the nines in fishnets and lingerie that covered little. 

He hesitated, like he was caught in a net. This was unlike anything he’d seen before.

Eliott noticed his uncertainty and looked to see what was making him nervous, then turned back to him with a sweet sort of intensity. 

“What, afraid I’m going to ruin you?” Eliott said with a challenging sort of smirk. There was that look in his eyes again. The one that Lucas had only seen once or twice. It was hungry and searching for some confirmation in Lucas’ eyes. 

“Don’t be nervous, Alter Boy,” he smiled, holding out his hand to him. Normally this kind of talk would irritate him, but when it came from Eliott’s lips it sounded more like a dare. He _dared_ him to be uncomfortable.

Lucas took his hand. Eliott smiled and pulled him to the ticket booth. 

“Two for Rocky,” Eliott told the man.

The guy in the booth wore dramatic blue eyeshadow that went up to his eyebrows, and buzzed blond hair.

“You’ve missed ten minutes.”

“That’s fine.”

“Ten dollars.”

Eliott pulled out his wallet and handed him the bill in exchange for the tickets. Then he pushed the heavy doors open and they walked in. The interior was stunning, he couldn’t help but stare at the details for a moment. The ceilings were high and adorned in molded detail. The carpets were red and regal which matched the imperious drapes that hung along some of the walls. It was all beautiful and it didn’t match the ruggedness of the clientele, which made the theatre that much more intriguing.

“Wait,” Eliott said, then ran into the womens’ restroom. Lucas looked around quizzically, wandering if anyone saw that. He returned not a minute later, and ran over to Lucas. He uncapped a stick of lipstick, held Lucas by the chin and drew something quickly on his forehead.

“What the hell ar-”

“You’ll see,” then he jokingly gave Lucas a peck on the cheek. A shiver went down Lucas’ spine. He looked up at Eliott. He wondered if he could hear his heart beating. 

A woman came out of the bathroom and Eliott handed her the lipstick. She smiled at him, and kissed him on the cheek as well, likely leaving a pink imprint behind. 

“V is for Virgin,” was all she said to him before she sauntered off to take her seat. 

He was so confused, but he’d just been kissed by a girl he didn’t know. Eliott was searching his face, clearly amused by his lack of understanding.

Eliott took his hand again and led him this time into the theatre room. In the dark, they found some seats next to the aisle way. 

Lucas had never seen anything like this, they were projecting the movie onto the screen while the stage actors acted and mouthed the words. It was totally bizarre. And if that weren’t enough, sometimes the audience would throw things on to the stage, or all shout a phrase together in response to a line that was said. 

Eliott leaned in and caught Lucas up on what they’d missed from the movie so far, which wasn’t much, although Lucas could hardly pay attention to the words he was speaking when he felt his breath on his cheek. How easy it would’ve been to turn his head and show him how much he liked him. 

But the moment faded and Eliott turned his attention back to the front of the room.

Early in the film, the characters got to the castle and were stripped naked for whatever reason. And Lucas could feel in his belly that this was about to get a whole lot weirder. From then on, it was nearly totally nonsensical. The stage actors all stopped and stomped their feet at the same time while Janet and Brad ran around, scared, until they stopped at the top of the theatre aisle, feet away from Lucas. It was only then that the star of the show was introduced with the tapping of a gogo boot and all hell broke loose. 

_“How d’you do I, see you’ve met my, faithful handyman...”_

A tall man in a wig and a cape pushed between the couple.

  
  


_“He's just a little brought down because, when you knocked, he thought you were the candy man!”_

  
  


The man strutted down the lane without a care in the world! He paused occasionally to sit on the lap, or caress the cheek of an audience member. And people roared and laughed.

  
  


_“_ _Don't get strung out by the way that I look, don't judge a book by its cover, I'm not much of a man by the light of day…”_

Lucas glanced at Eliott who gave him a wild look back. Lucas really was in awe of what he was seeing.

_“But by night I'm one hell of a lover…”_

  
  


The man flung back his cape to reveal a corset and fishnets, much like the women smoking outside, but this was so clearly a man. And his confidence! Lucas almost didn’t mind his ridiculous attire, this was unlike anything he had ever experienced before. It was such a raw exhibition of sexuality that he never could’ve imagined. 

Everything about this character oozed sex. And when the song wound down and came his spoken words “So, come up to the lab, and see what's on the slab…”

Lucas couldn’t look away. 

_“I see you shiver with antici-”_ The character paused with an expression he’d seen on Eliott many times.

Eliott leaned in close to him once again and growled, “Say it!” as members of the crowd shrieked the same phrase. Lucas felt the pit of arousal burn in his gut when Eliott spoke like that. 

_“-Pation!”_

The character continued, _“but maybe the rain is really to blame, so I'll remove the cause, but not the symptom !”_

There was something about that night that changed Lucas just a little. It was loud and boisterous, the chaos unlike usual, did not bother him, but made him laugh! The shame of vulgarity or honesty had no place here. 

He could see why Eliott loved it so much. And he so evidently did. Whenever would shout out, he would lean forward in his seat, gripping the armrests or sometimes Lucas, then sit back down and beam at him with a goofy grin. All harshness had melted from his features, and in those moments, Lucas knew where he wanted to be. 

As the film went on, the rowdiness never faded. There was one character, the narrator, whenever he spoke people would shout at the top of their voices, “ _He’s got no fucking neck!_ ”

Sometimes the stage actors would stray from the film and the crowd would holler and whistle. And of course he had absolutely no idea what was going on, but it didn’t matter. He was happy to be there.

There was one moment towards the end when they pulled all the “virgins” on stage, or those marked with a “V” on their foreheads, there were probably a dozen. The red haired actress was the one who caught Lucas who looked back with a panicked smile at Eliott who sat there and laughed. 

They lined the virgins in a row on the stage, and one by one, gave them a peck on the cheek, or maybe whispered in their ear. The lead, Dr. Frank N Furter, stopped at Lucas, and gave him a look over and kissed him right on the lips. Lucas was taken aback by this, but in the excitement he did the only thing he could think to do.

So he grabbed his ass. 

The audience blew up in riotous laughter, and the actor pulled himself away laughing too and breaking character. Lucas smiled at himself feeling proud, like the spotlight was on him and he’d finally used it to make people happy, like he’d found his place among all these freaks and their salacious behaviors. 

He returned to his seat after being dismissed and Eliott couldn’t look at him without smiling. _Had he passed initiation? Had he won Chicken?_ Lucas felt like he could do anything. He was liberated.

  
  


Towards the tail end of the movie, there was a ballad that started, and Eliott sang him every word. He really did surprise Lucas at every turn. It was softer than most of the other songs, it started with a piano.

_“Whatever happened to Fay Wray? That delicate satin draped frame, as it clung to her thigh, how I started to cry, cause I wanted to be dressed just the same…”_

Eliott stood, continuing to sing like an idiot, he wasn’t good, but he didn’t care. Lucas looked around there were others who were standing and clapping and some who had actually got up to dance.

He threw his head back and let his hands wander across his body like he was experiencing the words he sang, like he was one of the actors on stage. 

_“Give yourself over to absolute pleasure! Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh,”_

He didn’t pull Lucas to his feet, but rather sang only to him as a performer. 

_“Erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever, Can't you just see it!”_

Nobody was watching him in particular, not that Lucas cared, he was past that.

  
  
  


His eyes were on Eliott only who was dancing for him. They might as well have been alone in a crowded room. 

  
  
  


_Don’t dream it, be it._

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I was messing with the spacing because I didn't know how else to do it. Please tell me if the way I've done it makes your eyes tired and Ill fix it!!!!


	8. Paint it Black

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short one but very very saucy

_No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue_

_I could not foresee this thing happening to you_

_If I look hard enough into the settin' sun_

_My love will laugh with me before the mornin' comes !_

_____________

Lucas woke slowly, rolled over once or twice, pulling the sheets over his shoulder as he fell back asleep. But in a sudden realization that this bed was too comfortable to be his, his eyes shot open in confusion. These weren’t his sheets, these weren’t his walls, he couldn’t hear Mika singing from the kitchen.

He sat up, and rubbed his eyes, waiting for them to adjust to his surroundings. What he saw was music posters littering the walls, records, and a bookshelf that meant nothing to him.

He’d fallen asleep in Eliott’s bed. Had Eliott fallen asleep there too? Where was he now? 

Lucas got up. Eliott wasn't here. It felt strange to be in someone else’s house without them home, especially Eliott’s. It felt like some sort of forbidden shrine that he was not meant to be in, yet he could not help but look around.

He couldn’t decide if he should head out or wait for him to get home. It was quiet. He shrugged his arms through his jacket, deciding to leave. 

_What happened last night?_ He thought. The more he focussed the more came back to him. The party, the escape, the sex. _The sex?_ No. They hadn’t had sex. They had something else, something equally private. 

He felt himself smile at the thought.

_That’s right!_ Eliott dancing in a crowded room, Eliott kissing him on the cheek, Eliott laughing as they walked home together, Eliott, Eliott, Eliott. 

The unabashed libration Lucas felt during the whole thing. _That_ was sex. He felt born-again in a spiritual sense but not to Jesus Christ, he was born into a new light. He was reborn to Rocky Horror.

He laughed at the thought. 

Perhaps more accurate, he was reborn into the world of the wretched. The world of Frankenstein’s Monster and wearing lingerie as casual attire and spitting on the street. He’d never felt so much farther than his parents. He’d never felt freer. 

He could get addicted to this kind of thing. 

It was about ten am. He’d been asleep for about six hours. 

Lucas was sure to close the door behind him, but he found what he was looking for on his way down the stairs. Eliott looked up at him, “Oh… you’re leaving?”

He didn’t know what to say. In that moment he was struck by the innocence of the face that regarded him. It was getting more and more frequent when Lucas' body grew startled with a meer look that Eliott shot his way. 

“I thought you’d left.”

“Just to get breakfast.”

Eliott brushed past Lucas to open the door, getting a little closer than he had to. 

“I thought we’d work on the project after… unless you have somewhere to be.” Eliott looked at him. _Innocence._

Surely a piece of Lucas had changed last night, some reserved part of him died a welcomed death, but it seemed Eliott may also have shifted. He seemed somehow softer to Lucas, more open maybe. It was hard to describe. 

Lucas shook his head and reentered the apartment. 

“We’ll eat in my room.” Eliott sat himself down on the carpet and opened the paper bag he’d brought with him, Lucas sat across from him. 

“The best breakfast joint in Chicago is just down the way. I thought I’d have you try it,” he said, handing Lucas a cinnamon roll. Icing oozed down the doughy pastry and stuck to his fingers. It was still warm and definitely the most delicious meal he’d had in a long time.

Eliott watched him, “You were wild last night,” he said between bites, “didn’t know you had it in you.”

“Me neither,” Lucas smiled, “I’ve never seen anything like that. One of the best nights of my life, I think.” 

Eliott watched him with curiosity, Lucas returned his challenge.

“I didn’t know you could dance like that,” Lucas said unwaveringly, thinking himself daring. 

Eliott saw the smugness on his face, and knew he had to do something about it. He’d grown much too comfortable. 

Eliott asked the night previous if Lucas was afraid that he’d ruin him, but he knew that he hadn’t ruined him enough. He’d come close, and Lucas learned quickly, but there was farther to go. He wanted to see how far Lucas would take it. 

Eliott leaned in closer to him, he could smell the vanilla in his breath, “I could show you if you like.” 

He held himself patiently, hovering over Lucas, teasing him, testing him with a possessive, hungry look on his face. In that moment he knew he’d seduced Lucas to follow him into his own realm of wickedness. It was clear when Lucas looked down over Eliott’s lips, almost beggingly because he didn’t have the courage to bring them together. 

Eliott didn’t mind pushing him over the edge. He loved to watch Lucas’ descent into “worldly sin.” 

He brought his hand to caress Lucas’ cheek, snickered, having won the final round of Chicken, and brought them together. Lucas kissed sweetly at first, but once the initial shock had worn off, it was as though he was famished and Eliott was some delicious treat.

Eliott, on the other hand, kept his coolness about it. He smoothly ran his tongue over Lucas’ teeth and bit at his lip if he tried to pull away. He liked the roughness of it, the honesty. 

_This is what kissing should feel like,_ Lucas thought. It was strange and wonderful and nothing like Chloé. There was nothing preformative about Eliott, it was all there, no one to impress, he’d already impressed him. 

And it wasn’t perfect. Sometimes they got out of sync and their teeth clacked or someone made a strange sound, but it didn’t matter. When this happened, they’d just smile against each other and return with twice the ferocity. 

Eliott started to stray from his lips, and kiss his chin or his throat or his neck. Eventually he pulled himself off completely, leaving Lucas breathless, as he walked around behind him. Eliott removed Lucas’ jacket without a word or a smile. He sat down and resumed his place kissing Lucas’ neck, this time from behind him, with the intention of leaving bruises for all to see. 

Lucas let out a stifled moan, having never been kissed like that, then his cheeks grew red at the embarrassment of uttering such a sound. 

“Don’t be embarrassed,” Eliott gently bit Lucas’ earlobe which was surprisingly sensitive, “Show me your pleasure,” he whispered. Eliott leaned his back against the wall as Lucas leaned back against him. 

Eliott’s hands traveled his body at their will. Lucas’ mind went blank, he’d never experienced such a deep arousal in his life. It had to be Eliott. Lucas wanted him to show him. It was almost as though Eliott had read his mind, as he wrapped his hands around Lucas’ torso to undo the buttons of his shirt. 

“ _Eliott…_ ” he squeaked, the words got caught in his throat, “I’ve… I’ve never…”

Eliott’s hands stopped, “If you don't want to-”

“No!” Lucas said a bit forcefully, “No, I want to. I want it to be you.”

There was a pause. _Have I said the wrong thing? I shouldn’t have said anything at all._ He felt Eliott embrace him a little tighter and kiss his neck in a moment of tenderness. 

_I want it to be you_

Lucas felt his breath on his skin that made the hair on his arms stand up. Everywhere Lucas was, Eliott was there too, touching, loving, kissing. Lucas thought he’d lose himself in this. 

Eliott caressed Lucas’ chest in one hand and brought two fingers of the other up to Lucas’ mouth. They roamed the plumpness of his lips until Lucas parted them, licked them and took them onto his tongue. His fingers were still sticky and sweet from the meal they shared only moments ago. Lucas felt him exhale deeply over his shoulder, as though Eliott had just witnessed something beautiful.

Eliott brought the fingers to Lucas’ chest, gliding over and teasing his nipple. In the wetness and the stimulation it grew hard between his fingers. Lucas groaned. He had no idea he was this sensitive.

Eliott smiled. He liked feeling Lucas unravel so completely in his arms. He kissed his neck, soothing the skin, as his free hand moved to the hem of Lucas’ jeans. 

Lucas felt his breath hitch as Eliott undid the button. He knew what would happen next. 

Eliott gracefully caressed his length, not bothering to fully expose it from his underwear. Lucas couldn’t contain the moan that snuck passed his throat. He squirmed, not because he disliked it, no, he liked it very much. He liked it _too_ much. The tension was building and sending jolts of electricity down his spine and across his body. Lucas opened his eyes to see Eliott’s hand pumping him under his boxer briefs, from his tip, a wet spot was forming and he tried to hold on so that it wasn’t over so soon. He moaned again.

He thought he’d cum right there.

Eliott's movements were quickening and if that weren’t enough, Lucas looked up to meet his focused eyes in the mirror across the room. He couldn’t help but look at his own face and what Eliott was doing to him. It was dirty and stunning and it made his cock throb. He was totally at his mercy.

He heard the wetness of his own body reacting to Eliott, and it was then that he spilt himself as he watched Eliott’s face and it’s hungry expression looking only at him. 

“ _Fuck_ \- ” he sputtered breathlessly, feeling his heartbeat through his veins. Eliott pumped him again, as one last wave surged, leaking onto himself. 

He hadn’t realized how heavy Eliott was breathing too. 

“Fuck, you’re beautiful,” Eliott muttered, nuzzling his neck. 

Lucas’ heart swelled. He couldn’t believe what had just happened. He didn’t know he could produce that much or feel it so fully. He’d never cum like that before. As if to say _thank you_ , Lucas took the hand that had slipped into his boxers and licked it’s fingers clean. It was a filthy, dastardly deed, and Lucas relished it.

“Jesus Christ, Altar Boy,” Eliott laughed, amazed. “Maybe I should keep you in my bed every night, if you’re going to pull shit like that.”

Lucas could feel Eliott's erection digging into him, and savored the thought that he’d put it there.

“Maybe you should,” he smiled fiendishly.

  
  



	9. Every Hungry Woman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me a little longer than I wanted it to but I couldn't decide if I wanted to go straight into drama like og or give them some more fluff...  
> Also this is DEFINITELY more interesting than the finals Im supposed to be working on instead oops
> 
> ALSO if youre wondering why suddenly it reads like a text you might've read in a high school english class, it's because Ive been reading Hermann Hesse all week and he's a little pretentious when it comes to introspection and I have no doubt I subconsciously emulated that a bit whoops 
> 
> Hope it was worth it ! Let meknow what you think !

_Yeah you backed him in the corner_

_Oh you're doing what you want to_

_You got fourteen lovely children_

_No proud father knocking at your door_

_Yeah but every hungry woman_

_Has been in your place before_

__________________

Eliott ran him a shower and then left him with a backwards glance and a sly smile as he got unchanged. 

Lucas felt like a new man. Many people feel disappointed or disgusted the first time they climax by somebody else’s hand, but not him. Enlightened was the wrong word, but if there was a step down from that then that would be exactly what he felt. 

Lucas had never felt as beautiful in life as he did when Eliott touched him.

He understood himself better. For so long he’d denied anything real to come to the surface, because he was afraid of what that would mean. He could hardly remember why it felt so important to him to hide himself away, it seemed so silly now. 

It really was a heavenly feeling, discovering oneself through someone else.

After he cleaned himself up and turned off the shower, he wrapped a towel around his hips and went back into Eliott’s room, where he was hunched over the record player. 

“Can I, um… borrow a shirt and some underwear?” 

Eliott beamed at him, amusedly, and went to fetch it for him. He watched Lucas as he dressed and kissed him when he finished. Eliott loved the way he looked in his clothes. There was something almost covetous about it.

There was a record playing softly in the corner among city sounds of the street outside. It was peaceful.

They fell back into bed, neither having slept well the night before. As they layed dozing, Eliott revealed that he had slept on the couch but there were multiple moments when he had to will himself not to join Lucas. They laid there for hours, occasionally falling into a light sleep or running fingers down the other’s skin, sometimes they just gazed at each other's faces, memorizing the features. If he hadn’t had such an intense introduction to Eliott, he would have avoided such eye contact, probably feeling a thrill of shame, but that had been beaten out him. He could stare as long as he pleased. 

“When did you pick me?” The question had been on his mind for hours. Looking at the facts, Lucas didn’t seem to have a lot to give him by way of romance. It was strange to him that he should be chosen of all people to be loved like this.

Eliott paused, not looking away.

“Stupid question?” 

“No,” Eliott smiled and kissed his nose. “Not stupid. I knew the second I saw you, that I wanted you. But I… I didn’t think you were ready.”

“That is not the feeling I got, I’m pretty sure you snarled at me that day!” Lucas laughed.

Eliott smiled but the smile faded. He brushed a stray piece of Lucas’ hair out of his face. “The first time I saw you was in September, a week before classes started. I was new and I didn’t know anyone. You were in the cafeteria with your friends. You were laughing and I thought you were beautiful.” 

Lucas thought about this for a moment. He had no idea the amount of time that passed between the moment Eliott was speaking of and the one that Lucas meant.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I couldn’t,” Eliott smiled sadly. “You would’ve hated me. You _did_ hate me. I could tell by the way you looked at me.” 

It pained Lucas, but he was right. 

“You needed time.” 

“I only hated you because I wasn’t ready to admit that I was attracted to you.” 

Eliott looked at him, “Are you ready now?” 

“I think I was ready when you made me ruin my favorite boxers” Lucas smiled.

Eliott didn’t speak for a moment. “Admitting your feelings to yourself is one thing, but could you admit it to your friends?” 

Lucas didn’t know what to say. He could only imagine the looks on their faces as he told them; complete horror. In fact, he didn’t think there was anyone he could talk to about it. That would require his two worlds to collide, the wretched and the pure, potentially crushing him in the process. 

_Would Eliott still be there when his family disowned him?_

The having-his-cake and eating-it-too was crumbling around him. He couldn’t have a foot in both doors, it didn’t work that way. He’d need to figure something else out. It all hung on Eliott.

“I… I just need more time,” his voice was a bit shaky having made that realization.

“Hey,” Eliott graced his cheek. “There’s no rush. You’ll do it when the time is right, I have faith in you.” He said this firmly.

Lucas looked up to him. He was so grateful for his understanding, but he feared that he would be cast out of the world he was born into and that terrified him. 

Eliott hugged him to his chest. He could sense the anxiety in the situation, and from what little he knew about Lucas’ family, this was no such overreaction. It was cold outside. The wind was knocking at the window. They were glad to be warm under the covers.

“Am I your first boy?” Lucas whispered.

Eliott pieced together his words with a soft smile, “You’re the first boy I ever touched.” 

Something about this answer made Lucas feel warm. Despite Eliott’s prior experience with women, it made him feel like they were discovering themselves together, and that gave him hope for the future. Afterall, it would be more difficult for Eliott to leave him, if he’d lost a piece of his virginity to him...right?

“When did you know?”

“That I liked men also?”

Lucas nodded.

“I’ve always sort of known since I was a kid. I kissed a boy in high school, but it didn’t really end well.”

“What happened?” 

Eliott hesitated. Lucas felt his body pull away from him a little. He was waiting for _“Don’t ask stupid questions,”_ but it didn’t come. The moment was shattered, Eliott had grown stiff towards him despite them being in such close proximity.

_He beat me,_ Eliott would’ve said if he found the words, but this was neither the time nor the place. It would only have served to feed Lucas’ fears. 

“It’s not important,” he said instead, hoping that his face portrayed casualness when his tone failed to do so. There was a reason Eliott lived by the seat of his pants. He didn’t want to think about it.

Lucas knew what he meant. Eliott was complicated, he had a lot going on behind those eyes. He knelt up and kissed him as if to say, _You’re stuck with me now. We’re in this together._

  
  


__________________

  
  
  


It wasn’t difficult to spot his friends. They were either messing around rowdily or slung over the chairs in the dorm lounge, hungover. This time, Lucas found them on the noisiest floor of the library, pretending to do homework. When they saw him, they looked at each other confusedly. 

“Hey, guys.” He swung his backpack from around his shoulder and leaned it up against one of the empty seats.

“Hey...Lucas,” Yann started. 

“Where have you been!” Basile asked, nearly shouting. “Chloé came up to us crying. She said you’d left her there. And we haven’t seen you all day, we thought you died!”

It took him a moment to figure out what he was talking about, because that party felt like it was weeks ago. He’d forgotten all about it.

“Oh shit. Is she okay?”

“Yeah, she’s fine, Lucas. But that was kind of lame of you to leave us all there without saying anything. We were pretty worried.”

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking. I’d- I’d had a lot to drink and Eliott…” He trailed off. He couldn’t finish his sentence.

“Who’s Eliott?”

“He’s um, that kid in our class. My partner for the project. He got pretty wasted, he needed help getting home.”

You should’ve seen their faces all trying to process this at the same time. All trying to figure out why Lucas was hanging out with someone like that. 

“Are you and him friends?” Yann asked in a blaming kind of tone.

Lucas blinked. “No.”

They were all looking at him expectedly.

“No, he’s just writing my paper. He needed help, so I helped him. Is that a crime?”

“Alright, alright. You could’ve told us you were leaving, that’s all,” Arthur tried to mediate, but Yann’s almost disgusted expression led him to believe that he hadn’t escaped all of the frustration.

“I’m sorry. I’ll do that next time.”

There was an awkward pause. 

“So… how was it for you guys?”

Arthur looked at him cautiously. 

“Yann almost got laid, but then he screwed it up somehow,” Bas said.

“I would’ve if you hadn’t come in.”

“Oh please, that was over way before I got there.”

Lucas sat back and watched his friends bicker playfully. He knew Eliott was right about it all, he could have only one. Part of him just wanted to run away from it all, and start a new life, maybe with Eliott if he was willing. 

No, that would be moving far too quickly. They’d only just expressed their feelings for eachother. He didn’t even know what to call them. Were they … boyfriends? The thought made Lucas want to puke. That was so sappy. He didn’t even know what he wanted to call the relationship, even if there was a word for it. 

That Wednesday, Lucas skipped his Business Statistics class to hang out with his friends. It was long overdue. The resentment from them seemed to have passed, except maybe with Yann, he was still a little suspicious.

They walked into literature class together, but Eliott was waiting by the door for him. His hair was slicked back today and he was wearing tight leather pants that hugged his legs. Lucas felt his stomach drop when he saw him. 

Eliott smiled at him. Arthur eyed him as he went into the classroom. 

“I’ll be just a minute, guys,” Lucas said after them. The door closed behind his friends. 

“Hey,” Eliott said, bending forward to kiss him. Lucas jumped a little when he did so and looked around to see that no one had seen them.

Eliott saw this, grabbed him by the hand and carted him off to the mens’ room. He locked the door behind him and pushed him back against the sink.

“I had fun this weekend,” Eliott cooed, in between kisses, “Let’s do it again.”

“H-here?” Lucas.

“Yes,” he growled, kissing his neck. “Problem?”

Lucas could only shake his head. He still hadn’t gotten used to this. He didn’t want to get used to it. He wanted Eliott to catch him off guard at every possible moment. The surprise was completely thrilling.

“You’re my little secret,” Eliott nipped his ear. Lucas felt himself exhale, then came that familiar feeling of his mind going blank as he tried to feel all of Eliott’s movements at once. 

“ _Lucas~_ ” Eliott whispered, drawing out the last syllable. He never addressed him by his name, it was always Alter Boy or some other joking nickname. Lucas felt himself grow hard, again he was a little embarrassed with how easy it was, but all Eliott could do was smile. He loved turning him on. 

Eliott unbuttoned Lucas’ pants and pulled them down around his ankles.

“I recognize those,” Eliott devilishly chided, looking at Lucas’ underwear. 

He’d been caught, he was wearing the briefs that Eliott had loaned him. There was something very wrong and deeply erotic about wearing someone else’s undergarments, especially when no one else knew. He could look his friends in the eye and smile and nod at their conversation, and they’d never know that a piece of Eliott was being held close to him.

Now Eliott knew as well, and it became something else entirely. Like a tattoo with his name on it or a dog with a collar. _I’m yours and only yours_ it said. Eliott felt himself become aroused at the thought.

Without hesitation pulled them down and began to kiss the innermost part of his thigh. The kisses grew heavier, using more teeth than lip as Eliott’s mouth wandered closer to his cock.

Lucas braced himself along the rim of the sink, his fingernails digging into the glass as he let heavy breaths escape his lungs. Eliott took the head in his mouth, looking up to watch Lucas groan. It was then that they heard someone try to twist the doorknob in vain since they’d locked it on the way in.

“Occupied!” Lucas screamed without hesitation. He meant it with force but it came out as more of a moan. It made Eliott smile, but he got back to work, taking more of him in. 

It wasn’t long before Lucas threw his head back and climaxed, making waves of pleasure ebb down his spine. He spent himself in Eliott’s mouth, which he swallowed with pride. This time in an effort to be quieter, Lucas clamped a hand over his lips to stifle his noises which were difficult to control. Eliott stood up and thumbed a spot of cum off the side of his lip, as one might do to a fleck of food after a good meal.

Lucas was still feeling the haze of lust when he pulled Eliott into a filthy kiss. He could taste himself on Eliott's lips and he noted how wicked that made him feel. 

“A guy could get used to this,” Eliott uttered happily. He pulled away, holding Lucas’ chin between his fingers, rubbing his thumb over his bottom lip absentmindedly. 

“You’re beautiful, Lucas. I hope people tell you that.”

Lucas beamed at him then pulled him into another kiss. “You tell me that. That’s why I keep you around.”

“Oh, is that it?” He laughed, “I knew I was just a pretty mouth to you.” 

“Yeah that and the way you wear those pants turn me on,” Lucas smiled. “They were made for you.” 

He could feel Eliott radiating.

  
  


They stood there embracing for a moment longer before Eliott said, “You should get to class.”

“Where are you going?”

“I have to take care of a few things,” he nodded towards himself, smiling. Lucas understood. There would be a time when he would help him out of his misery, but he wasn’t ready for that today. 

“Plus, if I were to follow you in there after the noises you made, well... I wouldn’t want your little secret to get out so soon. You should get on, Alter Boy.” 

Lucas bit his lip before kissing him one last time then unlocking the door and heading back. There was a kid waiting to push through the door to relieve himself.

“Sorry, man. Someone’s still in there,” Lucas told him with a smile. He knew how he must look; thoroughly debauched. He smoothed his hair down and relished his little secret. He took his seat in class. His friends had hardly noticed he was gone. They all had papers in front of them. Lucas read the heading on Arthur’s.

_Paper Assignment #1_

_Holy shit,_ he thought. He’d totally forgotten. This whole time he was supposed to have written the paper with Eliott instead of… what they had been doing. His blood ran cold. He watched in horror as Eliott entered the room and not-so-subtly winked at him. He was looking far more put together than Lucas was after that whole incident. He got to his seat, pulled out a paper, and held it up a little bit so that Lucas could see.

_Don’t worry about it,_ he mouthed from a few rows back. 

Lucas grinned. He grinned long after he’d turned back to the front of the class, though his thoughts never left the kid in the back row in the tight leather pants.

  
  



	10. Ne me quitte pas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey yall be careful with this one. 
> 
> TW: suicidal thoughts

**_À te regarder danser et sourire et_ **

**_À t'écouter chanter et puis rire_ **

**_Laisse-moi devenir_ **

**_L'ombre de ton ombre_ **

**_L'ombre de ta main_ **

**_L'ombre de ton chien_ **

**_Ne me quitte pas_ **

**_Ne me quitte pas_ **

**_Ne me quitte pas_ **

**_Ne me quitte pas..._ **

**_____________ **

Lucas returned to his dorm with a smile on his face. He had homework to do, but how could he think about that on such a beautiful day like this? He laid on the couch playing the events in his head over and over and over, savoring it each time. 

“Lucas, happy? Have the pigs begun to fly? Has hell frozen over?” Mika joked, lifting Lucas’ leg to sit down, then setting them back down again across his lap. “Who’s got you feeling this way.”

Lucas tried to bite back smiling even harder, “It’s no one.” 

“C’mon, it’s written all over your face! Give me the news.”

Lucas fiddled with the hem on his shirt. “I’ve met someone…” He figured of all the people he knew, Mika would be the most forgiving, he might even have solid advice, despite how insufferable he could be.

“Is it Chloé? I heard through the grapevine that you two were together. Why haven’t you brought her over yet?”

“No… it’s not her. It’s not-um…” _here I go,_ “a girl.” He felt like he’d just vomited, but the worst was over. 

“And you two are…?” 

“I don’t really know yet… but I want to go with him.” 

  
  


Mika grinned. He didn’t look surprised but he didn’t remark on it. “That’s good to hear, Lucas. I’m proud of you.”

“Mika, I don’t want to start shouting everywhere, you know, we don’t need to hold hands or … I don’t need to put on a show for everyone.”

“My lips are sealed. I know how it feels to first express yourself to someone who might not… you know.”

“No- I’m not telling you that I’m a homosexual. I’m not like you, you know, going to festivals and dancing in the streets or bringing men home… I’m not like that. I don’t want to give you the wrong idea.”

Mika sat up and looked at him confusedly, “What do you mean ‘I’m not like you’?”

“Exactly that! I don’t need everyone to know! It’s cool that you’re proud to be like that, but that’s not me. I’m not a queer. I won’t go to gay bars and french kiss some random guy, that isn’t me.”

Mika grunted. He was trying to control himself and not let his anger get the best of him. “Lucas, those ‘queers’ that you and everyone else sneer at, those people who dance in the streets and make it known who they love, they do it because they would rather die than be ashamed of themselves. Millions of people, insulted, humiliated, even beaten to death across history so that you could sit here on this couch and tell me you’re ‘not like those people’. They are proud to be forthcoming and show the world exactly who they are despite the circumstances that might meet them.”

“No, that’s not what I meant, it’s just tha-”

“You know what?” Mika put his hands up as if to signal that he’s given up, “Forget it. Forget I said anything.” 

“Mika, I’m sorry.” 

Mika shook his head and went to his room. Lucas sighed. He left that conversation feeling worse than he entered it, but at least someone knew. 

_I’m not good at this._

**_____________ **

  
  
  


He hadn’t seen Eliott in a week, he hadn’t been in class. Lucas even left his landline number that he shared with Lisa and Mika, but he knew that Eliott wasn’t a call kind of guy, and plus they were always taking up the line anyways, he’d never know if he’d been phoned or not. He even received the grade back for their assignment and wanted to celebrate with Eliott, maybe even returning the favor that he had twice given to Lucas, but he was nowhere to be found. Three times Lucas found himself on the doorstep between the convenience store and the barber shop, once he even ventured to ring the buzzer. Nothing came of it. 

He was starting to worry, but he knew that Eliott could take care of himself. _He’s a big boy_ , _he can take care of himself,_ Lucas reminded himself, _and don’t act so clingy._

**“** Are you okay?”

“What?” Lucas turned his head to Yann as they walked. Arthur and Bas were chattering and walking considerably further ahead than Yann and him. 

“You’ve been out of it lately.” 

Lucas supposed he’d been letting his mind wander a lot in the last few weeks. There was a lot to think about, and none of it, he could discuss with his friends. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” They pushed through the doors bracing themselves for the cold wind that was thrown their way.

“Man, you ditch us constantly and when you’re here it’s like,” Yann made a passive hand motion over his head, “you’re not really here.” Yann just would not let up. His jaw was set with tension and he was clearly frustrated.

“So what’s the problem?”

Lucas shook his head. He wanted to tell him so badly. His throat clenched and he felt the exhaustion set itself behind his eyes. “There isn’t a problem, I’m fine.”

Yann looked at him,“No. No, don’t lie to me. Is it Chloé?”

Lucas shook his head, trying to seem nonchalant, but he knew ultimately if he spoke his voice would be shaky at best.

“Then what is it?” Yann had stopped walking, and Lucas didn’t turn to face him, “You can talk to me. You don’t have to go through it alone, whatever it is.” 

By now Arthur and Basile were no longer in sight.

“It’s nothing.”

Yann huffed in exasperation, “Do you think that I couldn’t help you? See, I thought we were friends, or something like that.”

“Yann. I’m fine. I have some stuff going on at home and I don’t need help with it. Please just let me get through it.”

He didn’t say anything after that. He didn’t even look at him. Arthur and Basile came bounding up to them. 

“We turned around and you weren’t behind us! But Sam just came up to us and told us about a party that Chloé was throwing with her sorority TOnight!” Bas was looking around excitedly, but Arthur, Lucas thought, could sense the tension between he and Yann.

“Lucas, Lucas can you please get us in? Pleeease? Daphné will definitely be there and I think I can finally get her to talk to me this time.”

“No.”

“What! C’mon it’s my birthday!”

Lucas sighed. The last thing he wanted right now was to be social especially to Chloé. On the other hand, Yann was right, his friends deserved more of him and plus maybe it would put his mind off of Eliott and Mika… and Yann. Damn it sure felt like he ruined everything he touched. 

“Fine.” 

“We’ll go?” 

“Yes.”

“Thank you Lucas!! I won’t forget this!” Bas jumped around ecstatically. Lucas internally rolled his eyes . At this point he didn’t care. Anything to take his mind off his problems. 

**_____________ **

You could hear that party from down the street. The closer Lucas got, the farther he wanted to be. This was a mistake. He couldn’t leave now, he’s committed to this. He took a breath and followed his friends up to the door. 

Basile knocked about a hundred times. Until some poor soul opened the door and got a look at the gang. He looked so ridiculously uninterested he thought his next words would be _I’m not interested in what you’re selling._ The guy was a meat-head who was nursing a bottle of whiskey. He leaned against the doorpost and said, “yeah, I don’t think I can let you in here… some kind of fire hazard or something.” 

“Come on, man!”

The guy just shook his head.The house was so crowded that people were bumping into the meat-head who splayed himself across the doorpost.

“Daphné! Daphné! This idiot isn’t letting us in, help us out?” Bas cried 

Daphné saw Basile and her face dropped, she quickly slipped back into the crowd. 

“Sorry, man. Can’t let you in.”

The gang bickered with the guy for a few moments longer, but Lucas wasn’t all that invested in getting inside. Or at least until he glanced into the building and saw Eliott in the corner, talking to someone… happily. He wasn’t thinking. He just pushed past the drunk man, leaving his friends on the doorstep. There were so many people. They were colliding with him, like a fish upstream until finally he was caught in a net and her name was Chloé. 

“You have a lot of nerve coming here,” she said, stepping in front of him, “what are you doing here?”

Lucas peered passed her. Eliott laughed and did the worst thing Lucas could imagine. He leaned in and he kissed her. He kissed her, whoever she was it didn’t matter, Lucille maybe, but he wasn't looking at her. He blinked, wondering if that was really him. But he saw that smile, that smile that beamed at him before. Lucas felt his heart break. 

“Lucas! Are you even listening to me?” 

Eliott put out his cigarette on the counter, put his jacket on, and disappeared from his field of vision. Eliott left him. He left him without so much as a word. He was not even worth an explanation. 

“Jesus Christ, Lucas. You’re gay!” 

“What-” He whispered, finally coming to reality.

“You’re gay. It’s clear enough. I can’t believe I let you fool me.” 

“No, I just-” 

“I don’t want you here!” She yelled.

She pushed him once towards the door, making him stagger backwards, then he got the hint. He bursted out onto the porch, where his friends were stuck. He felt like all the air had been sucked out of his lungs. He couldn't breathe.

“Hey, what are you doing? I thought you were getting us in.”

He turned around and pushed Arthur, making him tumble off the short step into the grass. His hands weren't his own, the connection between his mind and his body was severed in his anger. He wasn't thinking.

“Hey! Chill out, man. What’s going on!”

These people didn’t care about him. They were just using him, weren’t they? There was no one who cared or understood. He was alone in this world. 

He clenched his fists until his nails pierced his skin. The rage he felt as slunk off into the night like some wretched thing was blinding. He didn’t know where he was going, he wasn’t even thinking about it. His feet stumbled over uneven pavement, scraping his palms in the fall, but he got right back up and marched on. 

His face twisted up into some ugly, pained picture, he didn’t even notice. He just kept walking and walking and walking. He didn’t ever want to go home. 

Where would he go? He wasn’t good at anything and he didn’t know anyone. 

Lucas found himself at the lake, pausing just before he took a faulty step and fell in. He stood there shaking. Not at the cold, though it was, but at the simple idea that had just crossed his mind. 

The waves lapped on the cement ledge soiling his shoes, but it was not the peaceful movement of the early morning. It was like a siren luring sailors to their deaths. Coaxing him to come nearer, to feel the cold kiss and the sharp bite of the freezing waters below.

There were five people on this planet that might concern themselves if he went missing, and for two of them, it was practically in the job description. 

_Five people._ In twenty years, he’d made an impression on five people. 

How long would it take before they found him? 

His throat closed as he cried into the night. _It doesn’t matter,_ he thought. 

  
  


_None of it matters._

  
  



	11. Drifter's Escape

_ Oh, help me in my weakness _

_ I heard the drifter say _

_ As they carried him from the court room  _

_ And were taking him away _

_ Well, my trip hasn't been a pleasant one _

_ And my time it isn't long _

_ And I still do not know  _

_ What is was that I've done wrong _

_ ___________ _

  
  


Lucas woke up in his bed. He was still in his clothes from the night before which still clung to his body. The cuffs of his pant legs were still wet as well as the pockets but the rest of the water seemed to seep mostly into the mattress. He shivered and pulled the comforter over his shoulder to get him warm, but it didn’t do much to help. He couldn’t will himself out of bed so he laid there. 

He tried to sleep again, wishing to be back in his mind where he wasn’t so lucid, but sleep didn’t come. The late morning was cold and the heater in the dorms was unpredictable. 

He promised himself he didn’t remember last night. He promised himself he didn’t remember taking a nosedive off the pier or being fished out by strangers. He didn’t want to remember what got him there in the first place or how he felt when Chloé looked at him or when Eliott  _ didn’t _ .

He thought it would ease his pain if he never thought again, or maybe he’d end up in a vegetative state in some hospital nearby, but either way he was here now, he was present. He knew what he had done and he’d have to live with it for however many years he had left.

He spent that morning in bed and the afternoon as well. He didn’t go to his classes. He didn’t speak to anyone. At some point during the evening he hauled himself out of bed to use the restroom, and then realized he was completely famished. He hadn’t even thought about food since the night before. There wasn’t anything for him in the kitchen so he decided to have a shower and go to the cafeteria. 

He realized just how scraped up his palms were from falling on the sidewalk last night. They were sore and starting to ooze puss, it hurt to hold anything for longer than a few seconds. He wrapped them carefully and headed out

It was a bad idea. It was a very bad idea. People were looking at him like he was a freak. Some were peering over their shoulders to size him up and down. Word had gotten out. He was the resident faggot. 

His stomach dropped. He wasn’t hungry anymore. He took an apple and turned to leave, but he was stopped when a hand grasped his shoulder. He turned nervously.

It was Yann. He didn’t look mad, he looked confused. They just looked at each other for a moment, waiting for the other to say something.

“Take a walk with me?” was all he said, but it wasn’t much of a question as he didn’t wait for an answer. 

Lucas’ eyes fell to the floor as he followed. Neither spoke till they were outside. 

“How are you?” Yann asked, not knowing what else to say.

Lucas didn’t know how to respond. How much longer could this go on before his friends leave him too?

“I’m fine,” Lucas lied, “how’s Arthur, is he mad?”

“No, he’s not mad. He’s confused I think, like all of us. What’s been going on with you? And don’t tell me it’s family problems. I know it’s more than that.”

“You’re right. My parents are… not right, but there is more. I haven’t been completely honest with you lately and… and I’m sorry.” He glanced at his friend who was listening intensely. 

He continued, “I’ve been acting weird because… I think I’ve fallen in love.”

“Chloé, right?”

“No… not Chloé.” 

Yann looked surprised, “With who, then?”

Lucas fiddled with his fingers. “Who do you think it is?” He asked, hawing around the answer. 

Yann rolled his eyes. “I don’t know, why don’t you tell me.”

Lucas exhaled. “It’s not… a girl.”

Yann stared at his shoes as they walked. There was a quiet moment, it was painful. 

“Is it me?” 

Lucas scoffed, he was happy for this answer and not one of reproach. “no, it’s not you… It’s um, Eliott, the kid in our horror class. I think I’m in love with him…” 

Yann nodded, licking his lips and trying to figure out something to say. 

Lucas was waiting for him to say anything. The longer he waited the more he feared the words. 

“Say something, please, you’re my best friend.”

Yann didn’t look at him. He sniffled to fill the silence, but he didn’t look at him. Yann shook his head, “I can’t right now. I need time.” and with that he turned and walked in the other direction.

Lucas stood there on the street corner. _ Four people. Might as well cross them off, one by one.  _

  
  
  


He quietly returned to the comfort of his bed. He laid down, not sleeping, not thinking, until there was a knock at the door. 

“Lucas, you in there?” Mika asked with his usual insolence. 

Lucas rolled over in bed. He didn’t want to talk. He didn’t want to hear his own voice. 

“I can hear you! If you don’t say something, I’m going to pick this lock.”

“I’m fine, Mika ! Go away.” 

He could still feel Mika’s presence behind the door. After a moment or two, the doorknob rattled and Mika burst through. He saw Lucas in his bed and shot him an exhausted look. 

“You can’t spend all day in bed. Come on, let’s go to the living room.” Mika started to help him up, and Lucas was too tired to fight it. 

Mika sat him on the couch, next to Lisa who was enrapt in a magazine. 

“Now, tell me everything.” 

“There’s nothing to tell.”

“Lucas, come on. I know what heartsickness looks like. What’s going on?”

He bit back tears and let out a slow, shaky breath. “My best friend just left me because I told him I was in love with a man. I walked into the cafeteria tonight and I felt like everyone was looking at me, like they were disgusted, like they’re laughing at me. People whisper when I walk past them all because of this guy who he wanted me to tell my friends that he and I were together, so that he could watch and laugh while he’s kissing his girlfriend.” Lucas’ voice broke. “He doesn’t care about me…” He whimpered. 

“Alright,” Mika said. “Let’s forget about this guy for a second. I know that Yann isn’t disgusted with you. He’s met me dozens of times and we don’t have a problem. Some people just need time, and I know it feels stupid, I mean, why should you need time to let me be who I am? But some people come around, and some people don’t…”

Mika looked at Lucas, “I know it’s frustrating to see some people react like fools, but if they can’t understand, it’s their problem. They don’t deserve to have you in their life.”

He couldn’t hold back a tear from falling. He didn’t sob or make a noise. He just felt broken down. 

“There’s nothing you can do about it… just accept.” Mika continued. He pulled Lucas into a hug, and let him cry into his shoulder. He’d have never thought that Mika was the one he’d have gone to at a time like this, but he really did feel a little better. 

They stayed up late watching television. No one spoke of their previous conversation, they could just sit and amuse themselves over whatever was on. Lucas hardly cared what channel. At about 3 am, Mika said that he was going to bed and asked Lucas if he needed anything else. Lucas gratefully told him nothing, but thanked him for what he’d done. To which Mika nodded and left for the night. 

Lucas found himself dissociating, he stared at the screen, letting the words and images wash over him. He hadn’t noticed he dozed off until the landline on the coffee table rang. He sat up with a start and checked his watch. It was almost 4 in the morning. 

He answered the phone so that it’d stop ringing but he realized he didn’t know what to say. 

“Hello?” he said firmly into the receiver. 

“ _ Lucas... _ ” he heard from the other end. The voice was quiet, almost a whisper. 

“Who is this?” 

There was a brief silence.

“ _ I’m in trouble, Lucas. _ ” 

“Eliott?”

The line was quiet, but Lucas knew he was there. 

“ _ I need you, _ ” His voice sounded raw and winded. In that moment he knew he should’ve felt the anger and the rage that had consumed him the night before. Where had all that gone? 

He’d never heard Eliott like this, so vulnerable. It scared him.

“What do you need?”

“ _ I- _ ” 

The line disconnected before he could say anything. Lucas felt an icy shot of fear course through his veins. He didn’t know what was going on, but he had a terrible feeling that he needed to go to him. He threw on his shoes and jacket and ran for the train. 

His heart was pumping pure adrenaline, he’d never ridden the L this late, but he hardly thought about that. All that ran through his mind was that something was wrong. It didn’t even occur to him that  _ he  _ was the one that Eliott called at 4am, he didn’t question it. He just ran.

Visions flashed before his eyes of all the moments they’d shared. The times, the looks, however brief, when Lucas saw some sort of solace in Eliott’s face or his manner of being. Waking up in the warmth of his apartment, sharing a meal and laughing, the smoothness of the touch on his skin.

Lucas was lucky the Red Line drove all night, but the only people who rode it were drunks and the homeless. There were two people in his car when he got on but he paid them no mind. His leg bounced out of nerves, he couldn’t stop it if he tried.

He bounded off the platform as soon as the doors opened. A pain was blooming from his side as he ran, but he was so close. This side of town looked so different after dark. Usually it was so alive with interesting people, but now it’s completely dead. The storefront lights were out and the little blue door in between, was not only unlocked, but left hanging open. 

Lucas pulled it shut behind him. He could almost sense something out of place purley from the vibrations of the house. It was like the building was silently on high alert. He stepped quietly just in case someone was listening for him, like a robber or a murderer. 

He made it into the main room, but he heard nothing. He stopped for a moment. All he could hear was his own breath and water running. He followed the noise and found himself in the bathroom. 

When he turned the light on he was momentarily confused as to what he was seeing. The whole floor was a puddle that soaked through his shoes. He lurched forward and turned off the overflowing water. Eliott was sitting in the tub, leaning over his knees. He was fully dressed in sopping wet clothes. 

“Eliott…” Lucas whispered weakly, caressing his face with his hand, trying to coerce him to look at him, “What happened?” 

He turned his face towards him. Lucas was taken aback by how absolutely wrecked he looked. Eliott’s face was contorted into the kind of expression that was difficult to observe. His hair was dripping onto his face and his shoulders and the rest of him. He was shaking. It was cold. He was wet. 

Lucas was scared. What could shake a man like Eliott and touch him so deeply that it should reduce him to this? 

Lucas couldn’t shift his body to face him, so instead he climbed into the tub and wrapped his torso around him, clothes and all. He held him tightly as if he might slip away. He held him tightly to keep him from shaking. 

“You’re not alone, Eliott,” Lucas whispered. “I’m here.”

Eliott didn’t move to reciprocate. He didn’t fold his arms around his shoulders, he couldn’t. Instead, he turned his face into the crook of Lucas’ neck and just cried. 

Lucas didn’t know what had happened. He almost didn’t want to know. Whatever it was, it scared the shit out of him. Seeing Eliott, the always strong, always comfortable Eliott, now so twisted up, it frightened him. If anything, it served as a reminder that people only put their best foot forward. It was seldom that anyone, especially Eliott, would show themselves like this. 

Something deeper was happening. Something Lucas knew nothing about.

  
  


“You’re not alone.”

  
  



	12. Manic Depression

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :,) 
> 
> I love u guys

_ Manic depression is searching my soul _

_ I know what I want _

_ But I just don't know _

_ How to go about getting it, _

_ Music sweet music _

_ I wish I could caress, caress, caress _

_ Manic depression is a frustrating mess ! _

_ __________ _

Lucas woke up slowly. He wasn’t certain that he’d truly slept. His chest was pressed flush against Eliott’s back, his arms wrapped around and hands clasped tightly in Eliott’s which he held tightly over his heart.

There was a dull throb behind his eyes. He had stayed up most the night letting his thoughts run free around his head. If Eliott so much as stirred, Lucas was awake and at attention. 

It was hard to banish the memories of Lucas pulling a shivering Eliott out of the tub and drying him off. He even helped him into clean clothes. Lucas wished that seeing Eliott’s body for the first time, in all of its beauty, came about in any other situation, but he needed him now, like this. He was practically catatonic. Like a zombie.

He was worried about him. What would’ve happened if he hadn’t come? Or even if he’d waited? To what extent would Eliott have gone? Lucas felt the weight that was put onto him, after all, what was he to make of this complete 180 that he just made?

Hadn’t he, just a few nights before, felt so utterly alone that he was prepared to just end it all? What he would’ve given for Eliott to call him then…

Still, a part of him felt desperate to be needed like this. He could nurse himself through nursing Eliott… so long as he would have him. But every time Eliott pulled him closer to his body, Lucas couldn’t help but remember what he’d done to him, even unknowingly, and what happened in the space between then and now. 

It was clear to him now how foolish he’d been. It was true that he didn’t have much keeping him on this Earth, but isn’t that an even better reason to get started?

His stomach growled. He was famished. He pulled away to get himself something to eat but Eliott held onto him tighter.

“Please don’t leave,” He stated in a surprisingly coherent voice, sounding as though he'd been awake for a while. 

“I won’t,” Lucas said quietly, “I was just going to eat.”

Eliott’s grip didn’t loosen.

Lucas layed back down. Eliott fiddled with the gauze that was still wrapped around Lucas’ hands. 

“What happened last night?” He stared at the back of Eliott’s head, waiting for him to say something. “I want to know.” 

Eliott turned to face him. He had a vicious sort of look in his eyes and this time, Lucas was at the wrong end of it. It was in that moment he wondered if Eliott really wanted him to be there or if he was just a filler for Lucille or some other lonely feeling. 

Lucas stood his ground and didn’t look away. “Do you even want me here?”

Eliott’s expression didn’t soften, it just turned to grief. 

After not getting an answer, Lucas cleared his throat, “I was at Chloé’s party. I saw you… and Lucille.”

Eliott looked at him, horrified, he was undoubtedly playing that night back in his head trying to figure out what exactly Lucas had witnessed.

“You looked happy, I didn’t know what to do so I-” he cut himself off, looking at his battered hands, “I thought you’d gotten back with her, and then you called me. You called me and you told me you needed me, so I came. And I laid here with you, embracing you, wondering the whole night if you needed me so badly now, why not then? You know, what have I done to deserve it and how can I never do it again.” 

They just looked at each other for a moment, until Lucas couldn’t look any longer. He sat up, with his back to him, “I told my roommate about you. I told my best friend, but he didn’t take it so well,” Lucas sniffed. “I don’t know if we’ll ever speak again.” 

He didn’t have any sort of anger in his voice. It was more exhaustion than anything else. “I thought maybe what we had was good enough for you… I know that I’m not exactly the prized pig but…I don’t know.” 

Lucas sighed, “I thought we could make it work.”

Eliott sat up to face him. He was quickly trying to piece together his words.

“I haven’t been completely honest with you.” His voice was quiet. “I… have this thing. It’s called Manic Depression. Do you know it?” Eliott snuck a glance at him.

He shook his head. 

Eliott let out a shaky breath, “It’s difficult to describe but… I don’t feel things like other people. I might feel really good for a week and then I crash. And crashing it’s like- I’m trapped in some dark heavy place and the prospect of anything seems completely hopeless. There are days I can’t leave my bed or talk to anyone. I get angry for no reason, and I can’t control it. What scares me the most is that in the moment, I don’t want to...”

He looked at Lucas sternly.

“I don’t have normal relationships because it makes me so uneven, so I- it’s easier to cut people out all together. I mean, why bother, right?” He smiled sadly at himself. He swallowed and looked down at his hands in his lap, “That’s why I was with Lucille like I was, she always took me back and I felt like I owed her for it… Even after I told her about you. I told her that it was over between her and I, and she laughed. She laughed and told me I’d be back in a week. She told me it was just the sickness talking and I… I guess I believed her,” Eliott watched his face. He wanted to know what he felt in not so many words. “There’s no excuse for what you saw…I wouldn’t easily forgive it either. But if you can’t forgive me, then I need you to know that you mean more to me than she ever did…” Eliott looked into his eyes. 

“And you still do.”

There was a sadness, one that he realized had always been there. 

“Since the moment I saw you, it’s been one long good stretch. I’ve never had one that lasted so long.” Eliott smiled, but it faded, “but last week I crashed. I crashed and Lucille was there. But honestly I was thinking about you the whole time… you’re too good for this and I thought it wouldn’t have mattered if I left, you know? Like I was never even there. And then Lucille… and then I couldn’t go back. I couldn’t go back knowing that I’d done that to you.” The words got caught in his throat, “I don’t know why I called you.”

“I think that I should’ve left it how it was…” Elliott felt his eyes start to water, “because seeing your face when you came in… you deserve more.” 

He couldn’t hold it back any longer, he felt a tear roll down his face. It was so helpless and disgusting

“Stop saying that.” Lucas said, wiping it away, “I’m glad that you called me. I just- I don’t know how to help you.” 

He supposed he had completely forgiven him, even though it tore him up inside. Eliott was not who he thought he was. He went far deeper than he knew. Lucas had almost idolized his strength, but it turned out to be just a wall he put up. It didn’t make him any less of a man, but it was hard to see him like this, knowing that he couldn’t help himself.

“Lucas…” Eliott looked at him. He was tired. It was emotionally exhausting to bear himself like this, he wasn’t used to opening up to people, he hoped it wasn’t in vain. “I’m sorry.” 

Lucas didn’t know what to say. This was a lot of information. Sometimes the rage he saw on Eliott’s face reminded him of his family and that scared him. 

“It’s okay.” Lucas looked at him earnestly, smiling to show him he was serious. He decided that it didn’t matter. “I’m going to make us some food. Is that okay?” 

Eliott had already done more for him emotionally, than his parents had ever done. But he wasn’t here because he owed Eliott, he was here because he wanted to be, after everything. 

Eliott nodded, smiling back. 

When Lucas got to the kitchen he sighed over the sink. If seeing Eliott at the party was a shot to the stomach, seeing him now, was ripping the bullet out. He didn’t know what to do. He desperately wanted to be with him. He was hungry for that touch on his skin and that look in his eyes that meant  _ only you _ . 

But suddenly there was a whole other facet to Eliott that made things ten times more complicated. And if he could leave him once, he could do it again, right?

He made them both grilled cheese and some eggs, and brought his plate to Eliott, but before he handed it off to him he said, “I don’t want to talk about that anymore today. I want you to tell me everything that I should know about you… and maybe some things I shouldn’t.”

Eliott nodded and reached for his plate, but Lucas pulled it back a couple of inches, “Okay?” He asked firmly.

“Yes,” he said, his expression changed. It had been almost a melancholic sort of playfulness and now turned to respect, possibly even admiration.  _ Maybe what he needs is a dose of his own medicine.  _ Lucas gave him his food and silently vowed to challenge him more. 

Lucas let him have a few bites before they began.

  
  


“Okay,” he started, “what are your parents like?” 

  
  
  
  


They talked for hours, or Eliott talked and Lucas listened, chiming in with an occasional question here and there. It was stilted at first. Lucas would ask him something and he would answer with a few words. It was the most Eliott had ever talked about himself. It was the first time anyone ever asked.

Eliott spoke without emotion, there was no love lost for his childhood. But the deeper he got into the things that really mattered to him, the more animated he became. 

It was strange mostly because when he talked about dead family members, it was almost casual, as if that was the easiest part of his past, but then he brought up things like when his father left him at a gas station as he stared down at his blankly, blinking away his sadness.

He was nothing short of a complicated man. And when the conversation ran dry, and Lucas had no more questions, Lucas pushed some rogue curls out of Eliott’s face and kissed him on the cheek to let him know that he’d heard everything.

Eliott thought he could cry, he was so relieved to have talked about it to someone who wanted to hear him. His hair hung in his face, and he was exhausted from lack of sleep and emotional rawness, but he felt like a great weight had been lifted from him.  He didn’t know how much he needed this until it was over. He kissed Lucas deeply, as if to say  _ thank you _ . And of course Lucas kissed back saying, _ don’t mention it.  _ It was the first time that he felt like he was really understanding Eliott. 

They’d connected the first time they saw each other, but now, now they were bonded. They’d exposed themselves to each other, they knew things about each other that no one else on this planet knew. 

Eliott brought his hands to cradle Lucas’ face, as he ravaged it with his lips, like he was worshipping the man that sat before him. Somehow he planted each kiss with a smile, the heat of which Lucas felt long after he moved to another spot.

“Stay with me,” Elliot whispered between breaths of air.

“What?” Lucas chuckled.

Eliott eased up, still smiling, brushing the tip of their noses together. “Well our first night together was not what I wanted it to be. So I figure I’d make it up to you. Our second-first night.”

“You’re crazy,” Lucas laughed. Eliott grinned again and laid a kiss on his neck. 

“Yes and I’m also madly in love with you.”

Lucas stopped. _ In love with me?  _ It came strong. Too strong. Too much, this was too much.

Eliott looked up at him, the happiness gone from his face and replaced with searching.

“Could you… forget I said that? I got swept up.” 

Lucas blinked and nodded. Eliott laid back down and nuzzled his face into Lucas’ neck. Lucas couldn’t stop the ruddiness that spread itself across his cheeks, nor the upturn at the corners of his lips when he thought back. Elliott loved him. 

He might only have four people on this Earth, but this one must’ve counted for everything. He never stopped taking his breath away.

This made Lucas break into a full-blown smile. He then turned to kiss Eliott again. He craved him. He wanted to feel him again. Things began to get heated as Eliott started to bite at his lips. Lucas let out a soft moan, as he felt Eliott sink lower to nip at his ear. 

  
  
  


“Go get your stuff,” Eliott muttered breathlessly, “or you’re going to be wearing that for a third day in a row.” 

  
  



	13. Prove It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a few days, sorry ! You know how the holidays are ! But at least it's longer than the others...
> 
> It's all free time from here out, so the last chapter will likely be posted tomorrow or the next day.
> 
> I really hope that you liked this fic. As usual, let me know what you think :)

_A whisper woke him up,_

_The smell of water,_

_Would resume,_

_The cave, The waves,_

_Of light the unreal night,_

_That flat curving,_

_Of a room,_

_Prove it, just the facts, the confidential_

_This case, this case, this case that I_

_I've been workin' on so long !_

  
  


_______________

  
  


  
  


Lucas smiled the whole way home, he looked like a maniac on the train but he didn’t care. He dashed off the L and onto campus, running, simply because he felt like it. His heart pumped pure elation, thinking about the boy he liked and how far they’d come to be together. 

It was a beautiful day! The sky was one ambiguous pale blue color, it was cold enough to see your breath but not so cold that it sucked the air out of you. It was perfect in his opinion.

Lucas had a secret again and it was most delicious. 

He ran past the lecture halls and the cafeteria, and into his dormitory. Once he opened the door to his apartment, his mood changed. Lisa and Mika turned to look at him, as though Lucas had just caught them doing something they weren’t supposed to, but then Arthur, Basile, and Yann turned too.

Lucas was not unhappy to see them, but he was willing to fight his friends if that’s what they had come to do. No more would he lie to himself, he had to be stronger than that. If he had learned anything from Eliott, it was that he had to be menacing sometimes, even in the face of his friends, because to many people he was already a menace. 

His friends looked at each other. Arthur and Basile stepped closer to the door where he was standing with nervous expressions on their faces. 

“Hi, uh, I just wanted to say that- well Bas and I wanted to say that, you know, if you ever want to … go see a musical or, I don’t know, something like that, I think we could go with you- but only if you wanted to! Or if you would prefer someone else, like Eliott, to go that’s fine too,” Arthur swallowed, trying to think of something to say. His face grew bright red. 

“Yeah! I think there are street parades in Boystown that sound like a lot of...fun. I’d like to see that sometime.”

Lucas couldn’t help but crack a smile, “So… you guys know?” 

“-that you’re queer? Yeah, uh… Chloé told us. We approached her after you-”

Arthur nudged him to shut him up.

“We just didn’t want to act like idiots so we came to Mika to ask what we could do to help,” Arthur shot him a meek smile. 

“Oh no, just to be clear, you guys are acting like idiots,” Lucas grinned, “but I appreciate you doing that.”

Arthur laughed, and Bas wrapped him up in a bearhug, “You can’t get rid of us, Lulu. We’re like leeches.” 

Arthur piled on, “yeah, you know you can come to us if you need anything.” 

For the first time that he could remember, Lucas felt like he’d found his place. Maybe being prepared to lose everything means you can finally start working towards something. 

His friend let go of him, nodded to Yann then left.

“Well, Lisa, can you um, help me with this thing inside your room?” Mika tugged Lisa away as she protested.

Lucas was left alone with only Yann. The last time they spoke, Yann broke his heart, but now Lucas was stronger, Lucas knew that if Yann couldn’t support him, he had others who could, as much as he didn’t want to lose his friendship. 

Yann looked at him and then at his feet, “Hey, I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable.”

“Please don’t worry about it, I’m sorry for putting you on the spo-”

“No, it’s me who should apologize. I begged you to tell me what was going on, you told me, and I couldn’t handle it. There were rumors floating around, I didn’t want to believe them because I would have known if they were true… You would’ve told me. My discomfort was that I had to hear it from someone else before my best friend.”

“I’m sorry.” Lucas said.

“No, I’m sorry. We were making all those jokes, and I’m sure you didn’t feel like you were able to tell us... I think I’ve never met someone who was homosexual, you know, before you and Mika, it was just strange that my best friend might’ve been into me and I needed to process it. Lucas, I’m sorry if I gave you the sense that I didn’t care about you, because you’re my best friend and I want you to be able to tell me anything.”

Lucas smiled brightly. I’d never been more thankful in his life. He was surely where he was meant to be. 

Yann pulled him into a hug. They stood there for what felt like an hour, as Lucas felt his throat clench with the happiness that he didn’t know how to express. He’d come here not knowing who he was or what he wanted, he’d lived that way for almost twenty years, just floating through his life, wasting it. Then someone took a chance on him, or- someone pushed him to take a chance on himself. 

All to say, he was no longer an outsider in his own life. 

“Yann…” Lucas started, trying not to get worked up, “you don’t know how much that means of you to say.”

Yann let go of him. 

“Thank you.” 

“Please, don’t worry about it,” Yann smiled. “Can I buy you a coffee?” 

“I would love that,” Lucas beamed, “but can we take a raincheck? I’m actually supposed to meet someone very soon.”

Yann saw the urgency in his eyes, “Is it Eliott?” 

Redness spread across his cheeks, he had no reason to be bashful, aside from the fact that he had been called out for being utterly predictable. “Yeah… he makes me really happy.” 

“If he hurts you, Lucas… I swear to god-”

Lucas smiled again, “He won’t. I’m stronger now.” 

“I want to hear all about him. I always thought he was bad news, but you two… you seem to really love him.” 

Oh god, there was that word. Lucas supposed that was the best word to fit what he felt for Eliott, so there was nothing left to fear.

“I do.” _I love him. I’d spend my days with him if I could._ He couldn’t stop smiling when he thought about him. 

“Jesus, Lucas, you’re absolutely whipped.”

He rolled his eyes, but he knew it was true.

“Well, it’s nice to see you happy after so long. I won’t keep you, but give me a shout when you’re free.”

“Absolutely.”

_Five people and Eliott._

Yann patted Lucas on the shoulder as he left. After the front door closed, Mika and Lisa poked their heads into the living room, as though they had been listening the whole time.

“That was an emotional rollercoaster! You okay, Lucas?”

_Maybe seven._

“Yes,” he smiled. “Yes, I will be.”

  
  
  
  


_______________

  
  
  
  


Lucas quickly shoved some things in a bag. _Shirt, socks, pants, boxers… maybe two pairs of boxers, toothbrush. Ready._ He sighed. The day he’d been having was unimaginable. He felt like he could do anything, he had all the support in the world. 

He sat on his bed and just caught his breath. The last time he’d slept on it, he’d just come home from attempting suicide. Maybe it had been half-hearted, but the intention was still there. It was like a lifetime had passed in the short time between then and now. 

He thought about how lonely he’d been, and how he thought, at the time, that it was only natural that he would die alone. Because, of course you’ll die alone if you don’t tell anyone what you’re going through, if you go off on your own in the middle of the night.Life is in the hands of the living person, they may have all the support they can handle, but that lifeforce is still up to them, to keep going and keep trying. 

He smiled. He would not be caught low again, there was so much to live for.

Lucas made the familiar journey back to Belmont. He would’ve walked, it was beautiful out despite the cold, but he’d kept him waiting long enough. He pushed past the blue door and up the faded green steps. 

“Eliott? I’m back.”

Eliott bounded in from the kitchen, wiping his hands on his pants after cleaning up a bit. He’d shaved since Lucas saw him, and his hair had been brushed and sat as a heap of curls on the top of his head, the tips were still very green. In that moment, he was radiant. He finally looked like himself again. 

“I was starting to think you’d gotten lost,” he said in a deep, sultry voice. He took the bag from Lucas, and without looking away from him, discarded it on the floor. Eliott grabbed his hand with a salacious sort of expression and led him into the bedroom. It was that expression that Lucas had met, the one where Eliott looked up through his eyelashes with one eyebrow cocked, sizing him up and down, maybe licking his lips if he was feeling particularly wicked. The signature _I’ll have you for breakfast_. 

There was already someone mumbling from the stereo, afterall it wasn’t like Eliott to keep the room empty. The window was propped open just a little so a cool breeze filled the room, making him want to jump under the covers. Although, he supposed that was ultimately the point of such an action. 

“You clean up nicely,” Lucas cooed. 

Eliott smirked, almost proud of himself for the looker he’d caught. “I thought I’d try and impress you.”

He thumbed Lucas’ lip, enamoured by it’s yielding nature, before he brought his own forward to taste them. It was sweet and slow. Lucas thought maybe Eliott was starting off easy to give way to something heavier, but in truth, he was just savoring what he had in front of him. The one he wanted to come back to. 

They pulled away for a moment, but only slightly. Only inches apart, still feeling each other's heat.

“Apparently, you don’t have to try very hard,” Lucas smiled against him. Eliott laughed. 

Eliott kissed him again, this time deeper. As little as he spoke of his thoughts, he had a way of pushing all of his feelings, all of his intentions, into one searing kiss. It was like a language in and of itself. 

“You don’t know what you do to me,” Elliot whispered against his skin. His hand fiddled with the hair on Lucas’ nape and the other snuck around his lower back, holding him close.

“Tell me.” 

Eliott kissed him on his neck, dragging his teeth on the underside of his jaw. The roughness made Lucas shiver.

“Mmmm,” Eliott hummed with a smile, kissing him, worshipping him. “Seeing you like this,” He ran a hand under the hem of Lucas’ shirt, and carressed the elegant curves of his abdominals with his calloused fingertips. “In such desperate need,” It travelled up, up, up, until it brushed a nipple and Lucas stuttered. 

Eliott smiled, “you have no idea how hard I get thinking about you.” His hand came out of Lucas’ collar and rubbed the crook of his neck and shoulder. Lucas leaned into the touch, he couldn’t help it. He’d missed it tremendously. 

“I like it when you melt into me.” In one motion, Eliott pulled Luca’s shirt over his head and promptly planted a purple hickey on Lucas’ collarbone. “I like it when you moan, you’re little noises,” 

Lucas kissed his lips, playfully trying to divert his attention from his skin, so that he wouldn’t get those satisfactory sounds out of him that made Eliott smirk. 

“Like you’re completely at my mercy,” Elliott smiled deviantly as he said this and unbuttoned Lucas’ pants.

“No.” Lucas put his hand over Eliott’s to stop him.

Eliott looked at him confusedly. Lucas pushed up Eliott’s shirt signalling him to take it off and he dropped the fabric somewhere on the floor.

“We’re going to do this properly. You’re going to be just as naked as I am.” 

Eliott’s smiled returned, as he went in to nip at his ear, “Is that what we’re going to do?” He licked, gently, the outer shell.

“ _Yes_ ” he said shakily, trying to stand his ground, but again, it came as more of a moan.

Their eyes never left each other when Eliott stood back and undid his own pants. He watched as Lucas gazed over his body, slack jawed. Lucas raised his hand to grace the plains of his body, as Eliott had done to him. Although it wasn’t foreplay to him, it was exploration. 

Lucas was incredulous that Eliott had chosen him of all people to share this moment with. Despite his recent miraculous personal growth, these thoughts still sometimes crept back to him. And that’s not a deprecative notion so much as simply being struck by such a picture. Because this kind of beauty… he’d seen it only in white marble, in museums and art galleries. 

Eliott sat on the mattress, facing him. “Your turn,” he whispered as he finally pushed the fabric around Lucas’ ankles. He kissed the elegant curve of him, that showed proudly through his underwear. Lucas hummed. Eliott pulled him down into his lap. 

“I used to lay awake at night thinking of you,” he breathed in between kisses, “thinking of this.” Eliott kissed a line down his chest, spending some time, again, teasing his nipple with his tongue. His hands wandered down Lucas’ back, sometimes stroking him, sometimes pausing to pull him closer. 

At one point, Eliott’s hands wrapped around his ass, as he repositioned him to feel the impact of his arousal. He groaned. “I used to touch myself thinking about you,” Elliot rocked himself into him, grinding them together.

Lucas smiled both at this confession and the sudden electric jolts he felt when Eliott moved against him. He felt his face flush, how much longer could he draw this out?

He stood before his lover and unceremoniously removed the last of his clothes, he then looked expectantly at Eliott.

“Well?” Lucas said with a playful, cocky tone.

Eliott had an earnest expression, “Are you sure?” 

Lucas smiled brightly, and kissed him deeply. He then removed Eliott’s trunks himself, leaving them both naked as the day they were born. Eliott rolled the two of them over so that he was on top, and he planted a kiss on Lucas’ thigh. 

“Lay on your stomach.”

“No, I want to see your face.” 

Eliott smiled. He couldn’t express how irrevocably enamoured of this boy he had become, and things like these only served as reminders. He didn’t think the words had been invented yet. They’d gone through so much in such a short time, and Lucas continued to surprise him. 

What could he say, he liked surprising people. 

“This might hurt a bit, tell me if you want me to stop.”

“You sap,” Lucas smiled. Though he feigned reproach, he was grateful that Eliott said this. Not that Lucas wouldn’t have stopped him, but that Eliott was thinking about his comfort, even now, even in the throes of passion. 

Eliott pulled Lucas’ legs apart and kissed the spot he was preparing to enter. There had been no such warning that it would feel like _that_. Lucas was already breathing heavy, he’d experienced nothing like this. His mind went blank as Eliott’s deft tongue penetrated him. He moaned.

Eliott kissed his thighs roughly, before sticking his fingers in a bottle of lubricant, and beginning to prep Lucas gently with one finger tip. It was a little awkward at first, after all, it was a sensation he’d never felt before. He took two fingers more easily, and the soft burn began to give way to little shocks of pleasure. Eliott quickly pulled a condom over his aching cock. He bent over to kiss Lucas who happily caressed his face and his back, and whatever else he could get his hands on. 

“Jesus, you’re beautiful,” Eliott whispered into his lips.

“I was just going to say the same thing.”

Lucas kissed him hungrily, he bit at his lip as Eliott had taught him, and raked his hands up his back, undoubtedly leaving angry red lines in their wake. 

Eliott positioned himself and pushed himself in, Lucas uttered a breathless “ _fuck~_ ” and smiled. He was losing his mind. Eliott began to rock into him, his face somehow far away and right here with him at the same time. It was the kind of look that shrieked, _I’m so in love with you, I can’t bear to look at myself._

He was consistently gauging Lucas’ expression to see if he was in any pain, but he wasn’t. Eliott kept hitting that spot within him, that spot that made him cry out in ecstasy. Lucas was completely unraveling beneath him. His face was red with wanting, with a feeling that was indescribably hungry.

He felt Eliott inside and out and he wanted more. He felt so full and it aroused him more and more by the second. He kissed him with so much passion, he thought he was going to pass out. His cock was hard and leaking with precum, and it wasn’t until he heard Eliott moan that Lucas spilled onto his belly, breathlessly laughing as Eliott felt his own time come. 

Climax came on like a wildfire, starting at the base of his cock and spreading across his body. His heart skipped a beat, and he didn't even feel himself whimper like he did. Like an out-of-body experience.

“Lucas, that was-” _ridiculous, stunning, beautiful._ Eliott’s face was red too as he panted on the come down. “I think I just saw Jesus,” he said in amazed disbelief. 

Lucas laughed, it was that kind of deep-throated, melodious laugh, “Maybe you’re ready to meet my parents then.”

“You promise?” Eliott rolled onto his elbows to get one last kiss in, but they fell back into place like the last two pieces of a puzzle.

  
  
  


“You’re beautiful when you laugh,” Eliott whispered against his cheek.

  
  



	14. If

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love you guys. Thanks for such a wild ride. :,)

_If a man could be two places at one time,_

_I'd be with you._

_Tomorrow and today, beside you all the way._

_If the world should stop revolving spinning slowly down to die,_

_I'd spend the end with you._

_And when the world was through,_

_Then one by one the stars would all go out,_

_Then you and I would simply fly away !_

__________

  
  


They slept naked even though it was cold as hell. They pressed their bodies together for more than one kind of warmth. Eliott liked to burrow his face in Lucas’ skin, there was something very comforting about it and Lucas just relished the touch. 

They’d stayed up late watching horror films in the darkness of the night. Lucas hated to admit that he had gotten frightened, although _The Exorcist_ was pretty damn scary. Instead he turned his face to his lover who was enrapt by the film. It was like Eliott was stuck in some sort of sublime vision, the wonder on his face was tantalizing and beautiful.

Lucas wondered how long it would take Eliott to notice if he had just slipped under his jeans. It hadn’t been until his cock was free in the early hour air that he looked down and noticed Lucas look innocently back at him. Before he could say anything, Lucas had flashed an insolent smile and took him in his mouth. 

He inhaled sharply at the feeling, “ _shit, Lucas._ ”

It was warm and wet, and Lucas’ lack of experience accounted for a lot of disgusting little noises that made Eliott want to blow then and there. It was like Lucas was greedy for it. He wanted to pleasure him, as Eliott had done numerous times. Just to prove that he could do it.

Eliott buried his fingers in his hair, creating a rhythm. It was that soft dominance that made Lucas melt entirely. He didn’t mind being told what to do, or shaped and molded into a figuration that could make either (or both) of them lose their minds. He wanted to give up control, he wanted to give Eliott whatever he wanted, if it meant he could see that look on his face when he climaxed.

Lucas glanced up at his face from his station between his legs. Perhaps it was that virginal look, when he gazed up through his eyelashes with his big eyes, with the ruddiness of his cheeks and his plump lips working haphazardly against Eliott, trying desperately to make him cum. They made that eye contact, and Eliott couldn't stand it any longer. 

He spilled with a groan into Lucas’ mouth. He swallowed and bent up to plant a filthy kiss, which Eliott embraced full-heartedly. He leaned over him, to get as much as he could.

Lucas pulled away slightly, and Eliott was beaming at him, still hazy from orgasm. 

“The good thing about growing up religious, is that sex will always be dirty,” Lucas muttered breathlessly, smiling against his lips. 

Eliott laughed, “You would’ve made a shitty alter boy, anyways!” Eliott hoisted him up, kissed him, and threw him to the mattress, and collapsed beside him. This is where they would spend the rest of the night, until Eliott woke him up by returning that favor in the morning. 

Eliott woke up long before Lucas, for a while he just looked at him, watched him sleep peacefully. Eliott couldn’t remember what exactly first enchanted him about Lucas, but it came on hard and fast. It was like he was bewitched. Lucas seemed to occupy most of his thoughts before they had formally met, things like _what did he look like when he was unequivocally happy? What interests him?_ And other things like _I wonder what he sounds like in bed._

He felt easy in Lucas’ presence, there was something about him that just calmed the soul. Looking at him now, it was easy to see that he was in love with him. That hadn’t been false.

He wanted to thank him for being the best part of his life thus far, so naturally he climbed under the covers and crawled over Lucas like some huge hungry cat about to make its meal of a sleeping boy. 

Lucas awoke to the feeling of Eliott playing with his cock with that beautiful wickedness in his eyes, and the rest was history. 

  
  


__________________

  
  
  


The deli was practically empty. It was one large stretch of room, partially occupied by the wide counter. There were only two tables being used, Although that’s exactly what’s expected on a frigid winter Tuesday at 2pm. The storefront was one large window, you could see anyone trudging along the snow piled street. It was a windy day and you could really only see the noses of the people bundled up outside. 

Bas, Arthur, and Yann were sitting around a table staring at their sandwiches.

“Can I please just eat?” Bas whined.

“Oh come on, I’m sure he’s close. Be polite,” Yann looked helplessly at his pastrami on rye and felt his stomach growl. 

Arthur had already dug into his chips and was munching loudly.

“Give me one,” Bas grabbed.

“No, you already ate yours!”

It was then that the bell above the door rang and Lucas stepped in, brushing snow off of his shoulder. His friends smiled at him. In this moment he seemed radiant, which was even clearer when Elliot stepped in behind him. 

The gang looked at eachother, They hadn’t expected Eliott’s presence and now they were a bit nervous. Not that there was really anything to be nervous about, but Eliott… he could be intimidating to those who didn’t know how to deal with him. 

Suddenly they forgot their hunger and watched the two as they sat down. They couldn’t have been more different from each other. Eliott was tall and lumbering, and dressed in rather abrasive attire. Today his mohawk was standing straight up, of course adding a few inches to his height, the edges now were red. He was wearing a black leather jacket that stopped at the top of his hips and his bright yellow Sex Pistols t-shirt that exposed a small part of his midriff. He must’ve been freezing outside. Lucas, on the other hand, wore a blue polo and fashionable orange slacks. When he pulled the hat of his head, there were a few localized and likely experimental strands of red. This was probably the result of a lost bet or maybe a playful hair-dye fight or perhaps more likely, pure curiosity. 

But when they looked at each other, they wore the same smile. 

The gang was too busy looking between the two boys to realize they were now sitting comfortably, staring back, waiting for them to say anything at all. Eliott smirked at Yann, finding the situation humorous, having gotten completely used to being stared at, “lovely weather we’re having.” 

Arthur snorted, not expecting a joke like this from a guy who could probably tear him apart in one blow. 

“I’m Eliott,” He reached over the table and offered him a hand to shake. 

“Arthur.” 

“Bas- Basile, but you can call me whatever you like,” he was clearly sweating bullets. 

Eliott laughed, “Nice to meet you, Bas.” He then turned to Yann, “you must be Yann.”

“That’s me,” he offered his hand as well which Eliott firmly shook.

There was an awkward silence, before Eliott said, “Alright, well I’ll let you guys, um… I”ll go get us some food. Lucas, Corned Beef, yeah?”

“Yes,” Lucas said and smiled to him. He felt at home where ever he was, it was undeniable. Eliott kissed him on the head and left to order. 

He watched him for a moment then turned back to his friends, “You guys can eat.”

“Thank god!” Bas dug in.

It was strange, usually he had been uncomfortable while his friends were at home, now the tables had turned completely. 

“You two seem happy.” 

His lips turned up at the corners, “I know I am.” 

“Tell us how it happened,” Bas uttered between bites of sandwich.

“Which part, me being homosexual or Eliott and I getting together?” Lucas laughed.

“Well I assume they’re similar stories!”

“I suppose they are,” Lucas nodded, “I had to go to this bookstore, a little one off Belmont and he happened to be working there.”

Eliott came back and sat down. Lucas looked to him and said, “they want to know how we got together.”

“Oh! Well it’s a funny story, I think,” Eliott chimed in, “He ran into my bookstore and didn’t have the cash to pay for the books he needed for our class. Kind of amazing, really, just how many coincidences went on.”

Lucas was surprised he didn’t tell them the story about how he’d snarled at him that day in class, or even how he’d first seen him weeks before. But then Eliott looked at him and gave him a knowing smile and a little wink, like when he had read his mind turning in that paper assignment they never worked on.

They’d admitted these first impressions to each other in the tenderness of an afternoon well spent. As far as Eliott was concerned, this part of the story was just theirs. 

“So… what’s with the get up?” Bas asked innocently as their food was delivered. He certainly didn’t mean to sound as judgemental as he did, but Eliott took it well.

“Well,” Eliott said admiring his meal, “it’s a very long story but I’ll tell it if you want to hear it.”

Bas nodded enthusiastically, “I jive with your jacket- not this one, but the jean one. Where did you get it?”

Arthur and Lucas exchanged glances. Eliott only laughed, “You can have it if you want, I have plenty just like it.”

Eliott fit in easily enough with them, of course it would take more getting used to but at one point Eliott got the boys laughing and Yann shot Lucas an approving glance. From then on Eliott became a somewhat permanent fixture in the gang. Wherever Lucas was, Eliott was never far away. They didn’t cling to each other, no, Eliott had personal conversations, even lively discussions, with Arthur about music and literature that Lucas couldn’t keep up with. He loved seeing them bond. 

They were beautiful together. Both of them looked at the other and wondered how they got to be so lucky. Not every day was good, of course. Sometimes they got into arguments or Eliott fell into a particularly dark place, but Lucas learned how to be there for him. 

And it was tough. Sometimes he had to remind himself what he was doing there, but eventually they found each other again. When it was good, it was really good. The winter months they spent together reading aloud the works of Stoker and Stevenson and after their class was over, they expanded this tradition to other books. 

Lucas brought Eliott home to meet his parents for Christmas. He wasn’t ready to introduce him as his partner, so they agreed to introduce him as his friend with nowhere to go for the holidays (not untrue), and reconciled their lie by having heavy sex in his parents’ bed one night when they were home alone. 

They were happy. Eliott loved seeing evidence of Lucas before he knew him. He was so different then, it was evident. He studied family portraits and childhood pictures, trying to find evidence of his lover in the face of the boy photographed. 

“Can I help you find something?” Lucas joked as Eliott was staring intensely at one particularly embarrassing baby photo. They were winding down to sleep. Eliott had a designated air-mattress on the floor but he only pretended to sleep in it. 

“Where did this sweet little boy go?” he asked with a hint of a sentimental tone.

“You killed him, baby,” Lucas kissed his cheek.

Eliott hated this domestic life. He hated that Lucas’ family put god before their son. This was everything he stood against, yet he had eagerly accepted the invitation, and he didn’t regret it for a second. He adored seeing how Lucas grew up. He even toned down his wardrobe for the journey and dyed his hair a natural color. He didn’t see it as him masking his real self, the goal of this trip was not to expose himself, but to visit, in disguise, so that he could get a taste of Lucas’ old world. 

This sort of family life was something he’d never had, it was comforting for a moment. Especially knowing that they could make something like this together, but in their own way, and not so… suburban. 

What he felt for him, well… it had surpassed love completely. He couldn’t string two words together to describe it, but there was no doubt that this was the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. 

Sometimes the light caught Lucas’ face and he saw only Venus. He saw it when he laughed or when Lucas shot him that look that said _you’re going to fuck me and I want the whole block to know._

Eliott wouldn’t admit it, but he worshipped him. Lucas made him a better man. He could feel it.

“I love you,” Eliott whispered as they laid together on the mattress under the window, thinking Lucas had already fallen asleep under the Chicago moonlight. Winter had turned to Spring, it was warm enough that they slept with the window cracked to feel the breeze and hear the sounds below. There was no reason he should choose this night of others to say this. They'd eaten dinner than worked silently on homework before watching television for an hour and falling into bed. 

“Me too,” Lucas kissed the hand that he held to his heart and pulled him a little closer. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Thank you so much to anyone who got this far, this has been by far my favorite fic that I;ve ever written. There were so many other things I wanted to include, but by the time the plot had just started, it was already getting to be a big project.  
> I chose this time and location (not just because I live there now but also) because I wanted Eliott to take him to La Mere Viper which was the first E V E R punk bar in Chicago and I was thinking about that instead of Rocky. And of course I wanted Eliott to do Lucas’ hair all punk-like because “on halloween, we are someone other than ourselves” but then it didn’t work out. Plus I love Rocky and I think this idea included more people. I also really wanted a full chapter of Eliott meeting Lucas’ parents and maybe scaring the shit out of them, and definitely more scenes with Imane, but here we are. 
> 
> I always start a project keeping in mind what I would want to see, and frankly, I don’t know if I would have the attention span to read my own works 😂 I love smut and as you all know, there is actually very little smut in this eighty-page behemoth. I have a hard time writing it even though I usually like the way it comes out. I think it’s because I need there to be plot, I need there to be a history and a reason to believe that these characters truly feel this way about each other, otherwise it really doesn’t work for me. I like the psychological aspect of it, I like figuring the characters out along with them as they do the same. It puts me, as the reader, into the story. But at the same time, it can get to be a lot as a writer. Most people don’t want to read pages and pages of imaginary speculation and I am one of those people (haha).
> 
> I also wish it wasn’t so canon complacent. I know that it isn’t totally, but I wish there were more differences.
> 
> I hope you liked it and I’ll be happy to answer any questions you might have about it.


End file.
